Shut it Sanford. Livin' La Vida Loca...

Enough is enough. For starters, I DON'T CARE about political power men having affairs. Sorry, I don't. Its none of my business and its brutal on the spouse. Call me a cynic. I don't care what a man or woman is doing in their personal life so long as they are not hurting children, me and my family or killing people. Marital infidelity is great fodder but what else is the gain for anyone?

From pro athletes to politicians. Are they doing their jobs? Are they hurting society? Its sad I know...but how can we all keep up? I feel for the wives. Surely they deal with the heartache, betrayal and humiliation in their own circles, but to put it in the spotlight? Really. For what? Does it show their judgement? Yes...on a personal level. Does it make us roll our eyes at the same old fallen man of big talk and righteousness? Affirmative. But I give it to Spitzer. At least he shut his pie hole after he apologized. I haven't heard mum since he wanted to start a hedge fund. But this guy....

Farking Governor Sanford can't cork it on his "soul mate" and other boundaries crossed, but "not the ultimate boundary". What is compelling this man to tell us about his dry-humping dances on business trips. I don't care if my husband rubs around at a bar...good on him. Seriously, get it where you can, but don't get on TV and try to evoke pity or some badge of honesty. Give me a break. Is anyone shocked that mediocre men in power enjoy female attention and make mistakes? I'm just in shock that this man can't stop playing the bleeding heart song!!!

Media is having a field day parading this man's self-destructive plummet into admission and emotional instability. I don't want to read their intimate emails! More because I don't give a shit, but also because his wife...this woman has to live with the dangling words of "my heart aches for your touch..." . Oooookay. At what point can the quiet, stoic wife just drop F-bombs and criticize his narcissism, call him a horrible lover, bad father and tell him to stuff his soul mate in the same place he was getting stuffed by the Argentinian thumb. ENOUGH.

At least I'm not alone...I laughed so hard at Jon Stewart's sixth or seventh rant on Governor Sanford. Take a look-see.





Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Shut Up, Mark Sanford

http://www.thedailyshow.com/

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Jason Jones in Iran

Like he said...take it both ways Sanny...ZIP IT.

SYTYCD?! Kayla and Kupono to Blue Foundation...

Alright, I know...It's been a long time. I had a kid...She's only 3 months old. Cut me some slack. I promise I'm back. To talk about Governors who can't keep their pie holes shut, the death and dying of Icons, my undying love for Conan O'Brien, and other such drivel, but for now...Let's talk dance. So You Think You can Dance specifically....

Last night, July 1st, was the top 14 dancers. They were all pretty fantabulistic. Hot Tamale train ticket screams ensued, Mia Michaels finally gave Brandon some credit after her uber-PMS-twitch fit at auditions and Kayla and Kapono did just wanted I needed: They inspired tears and my deep-seeded(ballet-love) and need to dance. The dance was dark and dreamy. ( I don't love Twighlight...its past my age demo) but...the "Blue Foundation" song took it to a new level. The tone felt more like "Pump up the Volume" vibes for those of you over 25. Take a look for yourself. The choreographer Sonya Tayeh has a beautifully twisted mind.

SO there you have it. My libido is back to normal. This song/dance combo made me want to roll around a lake in blue moon light soaking wet and glistening to the beat of my own homage to teen angst of love, lust and all things polar. Enjoy...Hope it does the same for you!

SKIP to 2:45 for the dance...

Too little too late? Thursday round up. Tee hee.

Nah...I know, I know. Its been a month? Or more. I figured I should throw a post up to have something in the "March" list. I think one looks more pathetic than not showing March at all, but pathetic is the new "sexy" Didnt you know?

Let's see. Thursday round up....remember when I did those weekly? The market is still rallying in comparison to the past, er....10 months. American Idol is still wooing me to the couch to sit down for some undivided attention to uber-eager talent. I love it, I have no shame. It makes me glow with an inner geek outer critic. The best two things I can think of (trite I know) that have come out of this week are:

1. The "Where the wild things are" trailer. Spike Jonze...whaaaa? It looks fantastic, and therefore is below;


and 2. The countess Marie Douglas-David. Now, that is comedy. Did she really list in her affidavit that she wanted $600 for fresh flowers? $1000 a week on facial treatments? HEYZEUS! I actually don't judge so much that she is oblivious to reality and some how (obviously) thinks her requests are sane, on some level. I am really just shocked that she had the ignorance to admit it....during a recession. Only goes to show how her entire circle of friends and peers must live the same way, or she would have some shame in needing $52,000 week to live. Wouldn't you?

Can I just ask what man finds that OK? Truly. I don't think I could love, or even tolerate a man who would stomach that kind of money hemorrhage. (ask me this again when I am lounging on a yacht with my second husband sipping $2000 lizard semen martinis for your youthful skin benefits, while telling my daughter(s) how I earned this lifestyle after "ruffing" in the past.) No really. They both disgust me. The upside to it all is that people like them are spending money, so that's swell. Eat drink and be married...no, merry? No, sexy and manipulative enough to warrant 5ok a week in personal expenses? no, mercilessly vacant and inane and indulgent. Yep. That's it.

Fellas...sheeeeeeeeeeeeee's single soon. Pull out those wallets and have at it.

Joaquin Phoenix on Late Show w/ David Letterman Feb 11 2009

What the...
I honestly laughed so hard, its not even funny. Typically, Dave is the one creating the akward moments. This was fantastic. Dave was biting his gums during the crowd-pleasing strange pauses. I actually think I have had therapy sessions that looked a bit like this. I imagine first dates not too unlike it either.Good stuff. Joaquin has to be doing a "schtick", or he is strung out on some brain numbing agent. He looks a bit like Charles Manson posing as a blues brother. See for yourself. Hip hop? Really? Enjoy.



Best line from Dave: "...And Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight."

The New York Post sucks (BIG) ass for dogging Jessica Simpson.

Here you go, ladies and gentlemen. If you were ever in need of a perfect example of how our society and stupid poor, boring writers are making their living...you've got it in the January 27th article claiming that "Jessica looks as if she could be an offensive linebacker...".

Really? The size 4, 5 foot 2 star should be shamed by having gained a few pounds, or maybe just for wearing the wrong jeans? Who hasn't had a picture taken at the wrong angle, mouth agape, jeans tugging in the wrong place, chins popping out from a strange laughter/smile combo. It's human.

Lets see the writer ...naked. I would love to see your cottage-cheese free arse and thighs, and your perfectly lined stomach. Oh wait...Its a dude. Of course. That makes perfect sense. I bet he gets laid all the time by hot skinny, self-esteem-less women in NYC. (or not) More likely he is a young 20-something that is barely scraping by in his studio shitbomb apartment eating ramen noodles, pretending to be succesful and worth more than the horrible excuse of writing capacity he truly is. Maybe he pretends to be important and know people in the rat race and somehow the publicity of writing a 100-words or less of smudge on JS makes him feel powerful when he calls home and lies about his career and all his friends.

Look, don't get me wrong, I love to tease the likes of reality TV stars that get too wasted, or too needy and obnoxious. I make fun, mostly of myself, but not many can say they don't pass judgment. Enough is enough. Tyra, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and now Jessica. What do you say to a tween or younger girl when she hears all this negative rhetoric about a woman who looks substantially better than the masses?

I'll take a stab at it. You tell that little girl ( inside of all of us ) that nothing externally holds the value of who you are. Your integrity, wits, brain, ability to love, be compassionate and happy do not dangle in the balance of what random assholes think of you, or even what specific family members have said about your butt, thighs, boobs, face, hair...etc. It is hard enough to kep our self-criticism at bay. Anyone trying to make you feel bad about yourself is one or all of the following:

1. Unhappy with themselves, and therefore needs to point the finger, wave the hand and divert attention away from their obvious malevolence and insecurity.

2. Somehow feels pressure to act like they give a shit about what you look like and that it effects anything meaningful.

3. Are jealous that you look better, have more, give more or care less.

4. Have deep seeded issues with their own persona and somehow think that "cool points" come from being judgmental.

In any case. It's all quite disappointing and the only way any of it stops is by women and men alike putting aside the obsession with uber-skinny, protruding clavicle, bony, nipped and tucked and pulled back faces and bodies that have become all too normal.

Get a grip. Get a conscience. Get a clue about what makes a person beautiful. 'Cause right now, pretty fecking categorically, we are way off the mark!

81st Annual Academy Award nominations!

First off,

I have to give it up for the Californians that get up at 5:30 am their time. That is impressive for Hollywood. I have to admit this is one favorite evenings of the year. Coming on February 22, 2009 on ABC.

Now begins that time of year where everyone ( read: I) start going to the theatre at every single chance. Each time I get a babysitter, I usually fore go the relaxation of a mani/pedi, or a hair-blow out, and instead I dress in comfy warm clothes, and go to the movies at strange hours where I share a row or entire theatre with one other person. Last year, I saw everything from "I'm not there" (BOOOOOO) to "Once". So, here we go. Expect tons of reviews, in the next coming weeks.

Below is the list. Unfairly, I didn't post ALL the categories...terrible I know.

Actor in a Leading Role:

Richard Jenkins- The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button-
Mickey Rourke-The Wrestler

Actor in a Supporting Role:

Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey Jr.-Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger-The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon-Revolutionary Road

Actress in a Leading Role:

Anne Hathaway- Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie- Changeling
Melissa Leo- Frozen River
Meryl Streep- Doubt
Kate Winslet - The Reader

Actress in a Supporting Role:

Amy Adams Doubt
Penélope Cruz- Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis- Doubt
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei- The Wrestler

Best Animated Film: Bolt, Kung-Fu Panda, and Wall-E

Achievement in directing:

David Fincher The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard- Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant - Milk
Stephen Daldry- The Reader
Danny Boyle- Slumdog Millionaire

Best Picture of the year:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Adapted Screenplay:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Eric Roth, Robin Swicord
Doubt - John Patrick Shanley
Frost/Nixon - Peter Morgan
The Reader - David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire- Simon Beaufoy

Best Original Screenplay:

Frozen River -Courtney Hunt
Happy-Go-Lucky- Mike Leigh
In Bruges- Martin McDonagh
Milk - Dustin Lance Black
WALL-E - Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Pete Docter

Get out there, enjoy or hate some movies. There is no doubt this year is full of heavy, sad, and thrilling motion pictures and performances, and if you feel silly, do what I do. Come up with a list of things NOT to do in an empty(or full) theatre. Wooo hooo....

The first day of the first black president. Obama Inauguration schedule.

Forgive the strange paring of Billie Piper below and this. Today is all emotion, business and hope for something new. All other things aside. Today marks a beautiful day in the United States of America. A day, where Conservatives, or Liberals alike, have no choice but to see that a country as a whole was able to look at their own past(s) and look forward and decide that (for some) they had made mistakes, and for others, they were finally ready to change. A huge step in humility and a giant leap towards the new state of mind, where believing in some sense of idealism, living and acting in a way that shows acceptance to things that may be different and a grand agreement that it is time to want more from our country, to expect compassion and grace instead of brut and closed fist pride.

I am not a hugely political person. I am a liberal- If I must be labeled. Most of all, I am just wide-eyed and excited to see how Barack Obama will maneuver the global landscape, our terrible financial climate and the unfortunate anticipation of his trials under pressure. I believe in him. I do. Moreover, I believe in the evolution that this day and that in November represents. That we are CLOSER to all men(and women) being equal. That we are becoming a nation that sees things a little more clearly with truth, and with less knee-jerk judgment.

I don't know where you will be today, but I certainly have been trying to figure out how to plant myself either at home, or at the gym, in front of a TV to see what he says. Below I have listed a rough schedule of today's events in DC. Already, a little behind schedule....(he was supposed to depart for his church service at 8:3am...and that didn't happen.) But then again, we are talking about a president that sat nonchalantly, legs spread, bopping his head next to his family while Stevie Wonder sang. Right or wrong, the man seems real, relatable and perhaps...late sometimes.

Procession to the Capitol – Members of the JCCIC will escort President-Elect Obama, the Vice-President-Elect, outgoing President Bush, and their families to the White House for a meeting, then all will proceed to the Capitol.

Swearing-In Ceremony – Aretha Franklin should perform just before the swearing-in begins. Joe Biden will first be sworn is as Vice President. Barack Obama’s oath will follow around 12 p.m. A schedule posted on the PIC website details the lineup for the swearing-in ceremony, from who will be administering the oaths to the person slated to read a poem after the fact.

Inaugural Address – shortly after the 12 p.m. swearing-in ceremony.

Departure of the Outgoing President – President Obama should escort outgoing President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush. Depending on weather, the former President and First Lady will most likely leave the Capital via helicopter.

Inaugural Luncheon – at Statuary Hall at the Capitol.

Inaugural Parade – A parade to the White House down Pennsylvania Avenue is coordinated by the Armed Forces Inaugural Committee.

All of this will be followed by at least 10 Inauguration balls.

No matter how you feel, or what you think of all of this. Today is a day to remember where you were, how you felt, and what this means to you. Tell your kids, grand kids and the future of our nation that anything is possible.

(ps: Michelle Obama is in bright canary yellow today!) Enjoy. Celebrate.

Come on Billie Piper...Season 2 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl!

I have to admit I stopped watching "Californication" on Showtime, because it got, well...too dirty for me. Seriously. Cocaine and bodily fluids and random sex by accident in the dark at strange parties in the valley just left me wanting to take an acid shower. But! I think SHOWTIME has done it with one of my favorite Cable series: "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" on at 10:30EST Sunday nights.

For one, Billie Piper is adorably smoldering. Her angelic face and in- camera expression leave you empathetic and even fascinated with her layers and duplicity. She somehow walks the balance of sweet girl next door who tripped into a high paying prostitution gig, and the steamy minx we all hope to be inside. (somewhere, with someone).

In Season 2's opener she is said to contemplate a boob job, and I hope to God she decides against it. I love her self-confidence. Her little junky trunk and tiny nose. I'm sure that in another life, with the absence of stigma and STD's, I would ponder the idea of what she does...I'd be damn good at it: Joke, Joke...stroke ego, stroke body, get crazy, detach, smile politely, joke joke, walk away. I actually believe in some episodes she enjoys here job, accepts it. But what well-paid whore wouldn't? Stare at the ceiling and count in your head how many pairs of shoes, or Milly dresses, or vacations you can buy at the end of the 40 minutes. (awe) I bet it would actually be somewhat intellectually stimulating to meet some of the men she meets, but then we get into the marriage/Spitzer/John Edwards debacle, and I just can't think that big..it's much more fun to pretend no one gets hurt.

I'm not this shallow, but in the wee moments of watching such a spicy, dicey dirty show that makes me laugh with the dialogue and throws me a heart-sink with the reality-based emotions of any woman...I get lost in the fantasy of her world. I guess those writers and Billie herself have done something right. At the end of the day I want love, but who doesn't dip there toe in the sheer hedonism of lust, even if vicariously?!

Check your self-righteous thoughts a the door, and open your imagination to the possibility of Belle and her shenanigans. You might find you enjoy it. I do.

Ha cha cha...Belle's back.

Things I think should be brought back from the 90's in 2009...

Since I have been (literally) bullied into posting SOMETHING...I will. It will be sub par and mediocre and that is OK. I can't always be "on" and funny...or can I? (no...sorry, I have tried). So, I was pondering the things I love most, and hear they go...

1. Bike pants (showing) under nylon aerobic shorts on men. (head band is a bonus)

2. Sugar Snaps

3. Color-coordinated turtle necks and folded socks.

4. The use of the phrase: "That's the most!" on any and every occasion. Replace "Cool" with it.

5. Side spikes and glamour shots.

6. Skorts in high fashion

7. Now and Later candies ( which you can find a the local "Dollar Tree" if you look hard)

8. Beepers...so people will still TALK to one another, instead of assuming the 5 word text was sufficient catching up.

9. Music on Music channels

10. Women that look their age (and dress it)

11. Real TV, instead of Real(ity)

12. Orange Julius

13. Casual sex accompanied with a little shame.

14. Whitney Houston, pre-crack.

15. Friendship bracelets ( instead of rubber Chinese-made ones)

16. One-shoulder blouses, dresses...oh wait?

And that is all I have for you right now. More tomorrow, perhaps about what it feels like in -35 degree wind chills when you just drank a shake and licked your lips, but forget your gloves at the gym and have to fill up on gas or how the man in my living room just said: "Id be happy to help Taylor Swift lose her innocence."

Happy Friday, Stay warm, and be brave in the new world of recycled fashions, mock-pop culture, and sexy new names for old sexy things that have already been hip....

John Mayer "In Your Atmosphere" will surface a sunken heart.

Andddd....It wouldn't be me if I didn't start the new year with one of my random inspirations to write based on some concert I watched on TV. Tonight, it was John Mayer's "Where the light is" on HDNet. I'm enjoying a glass of wine, some quiet from a long week of holidays and an even longer week of chasing a 3 year old with no babysitters and no school. Immediately, I sink into that warm water sensation of suspending in the presence of swirling feelings and equal amounts of awe. I may not love him, I may think he could be perceived as reckless or even mean-spirited with women, but his voice and finger-picking talent is undeniable. ( John's, that is.)

I watch him make those silly faces on the typical folksy Persian rug. I listen to his clean notes and raw lyrics that seem to stream around his spine finding momentum and weight as they spin towards his throat, and then they seep out, showering the audience with the blood and regret and sullen faith in the mysteries of love and growing older (only 31, really), wiser, more self-aware. If you are one of those lazy music-non-lovers that don't have the patience to here the whole song, do yourself a favor and scroll to (4:35) and listen for a minute and a half. If you hate it, send me nasti-grams...or flog yourself for having no soul.



A song that has stood out to me since I first listened is: "In Your Atmosphere". How can a thinking, heart-pumping woman not be moved by the wistfulness of it? You be the judge of the song's muse. I hear the words: "Wherever I go, whatever I do, I wonder where I am in my relationship to you...." or even the main verse: " I'm gonna steer clear, I burn up in your atmosphere. I'm gonna steer clear, I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you"

It is affecting. I don't miss anyone, I don't long for anyone, but this song strikes a carnal knowledge of the loss and fear of the ex-inhabitant of heart space. It's beyond relate-able; it is hard reality of love's carnage that sweeps you into a moment of reckoning, and then lays you down gently in pleasant recognition of its humble truth. And....yes, I over think it. I over think everything.

No worries, next post will be less heavy. Maybe I can list the reasons I want to lock Eric Dane in my basement and play doctor, or perhaps I can deconstruct the countless ways "Towelhead" ruined my dreamy ideas of Aaron Eckhart since he was basically in a soft porn with a 13-year old. Who knows. Its 2009. Anything is possible. (Except for me NOT writing about music and love)

Happy New Year, love love hold your heart out, even at the risk of it getting obliterated. Life is too long (yep, the opposite of short) to spend your time protecting the most resilient and viable donner organ you have.

Throw it at someone. See what happens.

Jen Aniston all tied up for GQ.

Now we all know I love AJ. Always have, but I saw this and thought: "Va va voom." Jennifer Aniston turns 40 in two months and has a body to die for. ( Thanks to Hatha and Ashtanga Yoga...no surprise). Elongated muscles, calming strength, flat tummy.

I've heard rumblings that she is making a desperate attempt to look "over" the Brad/Angie triangle. I don't know. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she has moved on, moved into her own self assurance and is enjoying some amazing photos of herself for the world over to see. Why not? She has suffered enough. Not to mention a heavy promotion of Marley and Me with Owen Wilson coming out in three weeks. Perhaps she forgot to go in for the pre-shoot fitting and she had to borrow the sound grip's tie for his high school reunion later that night? It could happen.

Take a look for yourself. What I want to know is what was behind the big black tape on the upper thigh of meat cake number two at the bottom of the shot?

I agree with you GQ. It isn' just you, she does keep getting hotter. She also has never had a child, (or three like AJ) but whose counting? I would be ecstatic if I could look like this naked at 40. Namaste, shanti shanti and godspeed.

Not surprisingly, all wealthy 40+ women seem to be getting hotter, thinner, more svelte and dewy. I am convinced that if you have more than 10 million in the bank and are on the dawn of your 4th decade of life, a group of black-velvet and hooded women in Balenciaga boots and grey nail polish show up to anoint you into the world of "secrets to staying young". There is a club, I know it....40 has never looked so good.

In an elevator...DO THIS.

I was in an elevator earlier today and I found myself pondering what a strange circumstance it is that we all accept into our daily routines. It even has little rules of behavior, and we nod or smile when people follow them, or get disapproving when they don't. I began to think of all the things that could go wrong in the elevator. I know, I know, Greys Anatomy would have you believe all elevator rides are full of suppressed sexual tension. I remembered the strange intimacy of riding an elevator multiple times a day to the 21st floor in my Chicago condo building and the many MANY times I wanted to do something outrageous just to shock people. Then...I found this...and someone already thought of all of them for me at http://www.geocities.com/skrelborn/elevator.html

1. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

2. Shave.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

5. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

6. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

7. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

8. . When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

9. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

10. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

11. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

12. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

13. Call out, "Group hug!" then enforce it.

14. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

And....that concludes my silly funny list share for today.

No joke. Once a week I get the Aerosmith lyrics stuck in my head. ( I do not own the music file, CD or tape) "Love in an EL-A-VA-TOR....Livin' it up, when I'm GOIN' DOooooown...." Bizarre.