If I were a pie (Waitress)

Tonight I am sticking with the thematic interest of the late and so smart director: Adrienne Shelly. Purely in homage to her cinematic mini masterpiece nugget of sullen love. I pose these suggested pies to describe me or my life(at some point):
PS: I am almost certain her screenplay had more commas than any post I have ever thrown at the world.

0 Crumpled, burning cherry, dis-contented bitter sweet Godiva chocolate molten pie.

0 Missing center, double-dough flapped over itself sausage of sin with minced ginger pie.

0 No bake, frozen flowered bridal run with hope sprinkles pie.

0 Nutty fruit layer with semi-sweet chocolate on ovulation days only pie.

0 Tower of whipped words with egg and cheese and dicey spicy ham pie.

0 Happy honey and butter bean smarty pants with sugar crumble pie.

What's your pie?

Bonus for fun: "Tid-bits that rhyme":
I once made a little boy poo, that is all he could do. He dug in the sand, and covered it with his hand. The boy who had to poo, gave me a lifelong curse of IBS voodoo.

If you didnt see the movie, this must seem so strange. Come back to it...someday.