Sunday, August 31, 2008

Writer's block and pop commercial songs.

You may have noticed...I am not writing as much. It certainly is not from a lack of material. There has been the DNC sparkling moments, followed by the McCain's nomination of Sara Palin (the hockey mom-moose hunter) from Alaska, Gustav's imminent crush on the west bank of New Orleans, my sweet-sweet dirt bag David Duchovny apparently has a legitimate sex addiction? "Life imitating art" doesn't quite sound so charming in that case.

No, I have tons to say about all things trivial and tragic. I have just been uninspired. I hate endings...Summer is ending. I loathe commitment...I have been getting concerned or disgruntled emails reminding me that it has been five days since I posted. (some people give me suggestions on what to post...ha). I am rebellious by nature, especially to obligations. I have been sick, blah blah,blah...Frankly, I am no good at excuses. I do, however have a good friend who is fantastic at them, and therefore I will share his list of "10 good enough reasons I haven't blogged". I laughed, cried and tinkled a little just re-reading it!!!

So, have faith, dear readers. I will bring you my deepest, inner most freakish thoughts again, truly. I just need to get a grip, have some monkey sex, stop feeling sick, find a slightly compelling take on any number of crazy stories this universe is creating, meditate more, block my crazy exes who have been reading this thing (I'm not a fan of people who have seen me naked, now reading my thoughts and fuzzy feelings) (( but I guess I tossed that boundary of possibility out the window when I first took finger tip to keyboard last fall...and that's what happens when your blog rolls in 4000 visitors a month)) I wont complain, but I am fighting the urge to self censor.

Fashion week, US open, RNC (where Van Halen's "Right Now" gets played...I love that song. Don't you picture yourself doing really important and kind things to such a slow motion? Like hip-checking an elderly woman to get the next ticket at the deli counter), and random superstar breakups are on their way for next week. I can feel it in my bellybutton. For now, send love and safety out to those on the Gulf Coast. Celebrate the next 48 hours as the summer days wind down and bask in the excitement and newness of a fall breeze and fresh new season.

Oh! and on a really cheesy ending to a really drawn out, irrelevant and boring post, I give you my favorite pop-commercial song right now. From nothing less than an (pause for sighs) AMERICAN IDOL: Jordan Sparks. This song just makes you feel good. It makes you bop your head, smile a little and carries hope. Try it. If you hate it....throw a tomato at your computer. Love and hair grease. See you tomorrow! "Hurry up and wait!"

Laugh if you will, but it makes me feel 14 it.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona is...

I went to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona last Monday. I have been a long time fan of Woody Allen movies. You might say I have an appreciation for babbling, neurosis, and hidden humor in the awkward moments of unraveling or attempting to be something only to discover (with witnesses) that you are a foibled version of your best projected self.Some how, in all of his movies love and lust and the pursuit of oneself is always sad, tragic and funny all while being smart. This movie was all of those things.

Set in beautiful Barcelona, two close friends Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson) go on holiday for the summer. Early in the trip they discover Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem) as an infamous painter, known in the socialite scenes for his torrid failed marriage to Maria Elena(Penelope Cruz). The story takes off on its tumultuous tumbling through the curiosity and push-pull flow of new love, infatuation, and obsession after Juan Antonio proposes a weekend trip to both the girls to see a painting.

He has an aloof and passive seduction that is penetrating. He seems to want the girls very much, but in the same instant could be unfazed by their refusal. At one point he makes a strong argument with a soft voice...(I'm paraphrasing, here): "Life is long, and dull and painful, why not enjoy each other's company with good wine, good food, and good sex?" In that very moment, as a woman, the ideal of it doesn't seem as insane when coming from his sexy lips with such brazen candor and genuine unfiltered desire.

Needless to say the girls accompany him on a whim and the characters build through small scenes that carry much to identify with. Vicky is a grad student who is very New York-astute. She is practical and unemotional. She has a plan, a fiance and good sense of the necessities of relationships rather than the romantic notion of love. Cristina, in stark contrast, is also a student interested in film and and photography. She doesn't like staying in one place for too long, and by her own confession: "I don't know what I want, I just know what I don't want". Her character reminded me of myself at 19 or 20. Taking yourself too seriously, using your sexuality for gain, but never truly knowing what to do with the attention you acquire, therefore, abruptly changing direction to start anew.
Juan Antonio is remarkably hot. I think I blushed in some of the early scenes. His eyes are so open and attentive, yet he carries an aire of calm and control at all times. He is artistic and passionate, but also extremely forthcoming. He woos Vicky with a Spanish guitar player and wine and a meeting with his father, quickly letting her go from his mind due to her imminent future of marriage. Soon, he is in a full live-in relationship with Cristina (who knows nothing of the encounter that her best friend and boyfriend had that one night.). Maria-Elena returns to his house after an emotional breakdown and is taken in by both Cristina and Juan-Antonio. Thus, making the three-part relationship transparent and intriguing. Not in a sexual way, per say, but in the very human and vulnerable situations all lovers struggle with. The "Ex-factor" is dealt with in full-force and honesty. There is an experiment with surrender.

The laughs are consistent but slightly veiled with sadness. All parties in this movie are yearning for something more, wanting to feel with fury. Maria-Elena says: "Only unfulfilled love can be romantic." At first blush, it sounds ridiculous, but as it soaks in, I begin to agree on so many levels. What cannot be, is often what drives passion, desire and idealism....if it has not been proven remains whatever you want it to be.
Penelope Cruz comes into the film in the late stages, fiery and beautifully crafted. She is sullen and intense. Hard and incredibly soft. She lives up to the legend the Juan-Antonio makes of her. Again, his sensitivity to women and hysteria is something I have never seen in life or film before. He accepts tirades and emotions from women as something that "happens" and he manages them with compassion and strength. It is almost something I cannot articulate, you can only feel it (as a woman) when you see it.

I won't give away the major plot twists, but the stand out performers to me are Javier Bardem and his steamy cool and Rebecca Hall in her pinned-up, fight against her own romanticism vs. realism. There were a few scenes that explore the inevitable human nature of misunderstandings and Javier Bardem's character speaks so honestly it is shocking, but more refreshing than the cool blue and stone of the Spanish scenery behind them. He holds nothing back, and plays no games. He speaks directly and even his painful words come out bouncy because his intentions are to communicate, not to hurt. (oh....I would love a Spaniard).

The narrator is a bit annoying at times, sounding like a young Woody Allen. Booby Johansson gets on my nerves with her mimicking of Woody himself, with the over-turned limp palms and the inflection of her voice during her babbling, stuttering whiny scenes at times.

If you are a Woody Allen fan, see it. If you are not, be warned that it might not be your cup of tea, but the acting, story and sardonic tone is worth the ten dollars. I personally think Woody has evolved into a place that is tragically baring the sad truths of love and it's life long quest. I'd say one of his best.

Love is always fleeting. Romance is a fragile idea we are capable of destroying as quickly as we create it, and three is too many for me.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Need a quick laugh? Dating, mating and what not to say.

I have been talking to a lot of single friends lately and although I am often envious of the free-time, the luxury of boredom and the endless possibilities that await every encounter ( getting on a plane, a new party, a chance meeting at a BBQ) I can't help but feel a tiny bit of relief from not having think of witty ways to answer good (or bad) lines.

Humor trumps almost everything in my book. I have dated a few fuglies simply by wearing my "he makes me laugh-goggles". So I have an appreciation for men who can jest at the circus of one-liners, opening a conversation with a stranger, and forced awkwardness of the dating world. RADAR 100 writers: Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, Ted Travelstead wrote this ages ago, but it still makes me laugh out loud. I hope it does for you too..

From Radar magazine...100 ICEBREAKERS TO AVOID :

A few of my favorites.

2. "You're not going to believe how many pig anuses the average hot dog contains."

9. "I can see you're not one of those 'shallow' people who's super-concerned about appearance."

22. "Were those earrings given to you by a pimp because you're his favorite baby doll?"

39. "Man! Why won't this DJ play some George Thorogood already?"

49. "Binaca blast?"

57. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: 'The more you Mace me, the harder I love."

98. [Laughing nervously.] "You're just going to talk to me until someone better comes along, aren't you?"

99. "You know what would be fun? Trust falls."

73. "I think it's so cool that you're black."

It's Friday, the weekend before the "last weekend of summer". Enjoy it. Say something silly. Make someone laugh. Kiss with passion. Love with ferver.

I will be over here in my complacent relationship corner cheering you on with mild apathy and a little bit of jealousy.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

It's the little things...Matt Lauer and Al Roker take on Rhythmic gymnastics and ribbon.

I wasn't sure today was going to be such a great day. I was tired, a little crabby and not feeling well. when I woke up. Then, I turned on NBC's TODAY show and saw none other than Matt Lauer and Al Roker preparing to learn Rhythmic gymnastics.

While watching the Canadian Olympic hopeful, Alexandra show off her moves, Matt said to Al: "Are you ready for this? You're going to end up with that thing in your back." Al replied: "Forget this, I should just try Javelin catching." (ha!) Javelin catching!? That was great. KUDOS Al. I usually don't laugh at your jokes...well played. The men were then dressed in red, white and blue unitard contraptions and proceeded to carry through a male-tandem-ribbon-routine. morning recovered with some hard laughs.

It takes some real man-up power to wear those outfits, show off your wrist agility, dance in tandem to "Dream Weaver" in front of millions, and most of all (Matt Lauer) to keep a straight face.

Long, slow clap for the two of you. Well done. Thanks for the little laughs that kept on popping up all day!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Jon Hamm in Best Life Magazine. Move over Brad Pitt.

Here here to Missouri boys! You all know I had a crush on Don Draper, AMC's Mad Men superstar. The thing is; he is a character. Dark, calm, tortured, full of secrets and unpredictable whims of his weaknesses(women), surprisingly fair and HOT = Lulu Dreamboat.

I wasn't expecting the real man behind the character to be so damn complex, intriguing and down right affable. Thanks to Joel Stein's self-deprecating and perfectly crafted descriptions of a day spent together, we now get a glimpse into this manly man anti-stereotype. Best Life's John Mather and Joel Stein put together the best friggen snapshot of Jon Hamm. I know they write for men, but this article evokes all kinds of terrible, horrible adulterated wants from a self-respecting mother and wife.

Let's be honest just looking into Jon's deep-set cold green eyes can send a shiver down the spine of the most heterosexual man. His seemingly constant furrowed brow and stubble? That nose makes you take him seriously, and all that hair? Well...I applaud you, Jennifer Westfieldt; you are my new female hero for today, so far. Out of respect for you, Jen, I won't even dive into my minds imagination of what lies beneath those grey three-piece suits. I will stay with my crush on Don, instead of Jon. But can he swim the backstroke? (I digress).

All those genetic gifts and completely superficial attributes are swell. But seriously, I don't really care about looks...C'mon, Bill Murray, not-so-hot vulture financiers, Nigel Lithegow...enough said. What makes Jon Hamm so sexy is his disinterest in trying to be so. He just IS sporty, approachable, confident, aware of others, no stranger to tragic loss, and somehow completely flying below the bullshit radar of those men that are trying too hard...way too hard. You know who you are!

One of the funniest lines in the article was when Stein found out Jon wanted to meet at a golf range. He writes: "The driving range? Is the bull-fighting stadium closed for the day?" As there meeting progresses you can feel the humanity in Jon. He appears to be the kind of man who listens to your story without you telling it. He seems like he would be conscious of your presence beyond what it means to his career or ego.

Far more interesting than his real-guy demeanor debunking the ideal he portrays; is the fact that he plays Don Draper so well by acknowledging how hard that time period was for men, yet somehow keeping the character plausibly a good guy (who does bad things). Up until I started watching Mad Men, I had assumed those were the glory days. Men ruled the world, and everyone was Clever-happy. Jon is quoted in the article saying:

"They were full of shit. They didn't know what they were doing. It makes you look at what that definition of 'being a man' really means and is there a happy medium? Instead of subscribing to this definition of a man or dude or guy, do what you want to do, buy a fucking yellow Mini Cooper. Get over it. It's a fucking fun car to drive. You can do all the other man stuff and be unsatisfied."

Not only does he soothe the Mini-cooper driving dude that was interviewing him, he makes multiple statements about acceptance, self-actualization and non-judgement with two f-bombs and a disarming tone of realism in less than five sentences. I WANT HIM.

Go pick up a copy of the magazine or check out the article when it is posted on BEST LIFE'S WEBSITE.

...and thank you dearly, Joel Stein and John Mather. The rest of August and September will be richer, warmer and steamier now that you have made me laugh and lust after Jon Hamm.

John Mayer AND Bill Murray are free fallin' !

I haven't gone to bed before 12:00am (CST) in over five nights. It feels awfully like the constant haze fog of sleepless nights with a newborn. I dream of swimmers bodies, and releve turns on the beam. For the record: Bella smacked my bum in the 80's after an aereal dismount from the beam. (He visited the M-Gym in Houston)....who cares. I DO care, however, that my old lover Bill Murray (who has aged 10 years since his recent divorce, eeekkkkk) will be jumping out of a plane today on North Avenue beach for the 50th Air and Water Show. I love you Murmur. You know no one can hold a candle to your Vietnamese triple ripple tongue play. I miss you!

So.... It's Friday. I'm getting more concerned about Gerogia and Russia. So should you. Phelps is actually so amazingly incredible that its not really fun to watch anymore. It just reinforces the rule of too much of anything loses its luster. So do less, screw up here and there to generate some doubt, then kill it. Or not...whatever.

I want a gymnasti The stock market is rather boring lately, several state officials are considering 4-day work weeks, just in time for the entitled recent grads to abuse it and leave the rest of us trying to sell our proven abilities of over-productivity in less time. Sasquatch was found in northern Georgia (US)? That was insane! Ellen D is getting married to her hot girlfriend Portia this weekend, and hush your face People Magazine....JEN and JOHN are NOT broken up..... are they?!

In absolute hope and willing for the love of happy people; I share this. John Mayer's beautiful rendition of Tom Petty's "Free Fallin" from his new live album: "Where the light is". It is so love-beaming and sweetly apathetic that I dare you to TRY to stay in, have, or spread a bad mood after hearing it....

He is a "bad boy". Most are. Most don't even miss us. But some do. I have no shame in missing all kinds of wonderful people. You shouldn't either. Love big. Live now and enjoy the weekend for the little moments that lead to the big memories.

Take notice of those you haven't lately and listen to your heart.(remember THAT song?! Ha.) Give it wings today and fly with what comes. Maybe it is the gentle quiet and hum of the crickets, or the sound of children laughing. Perhaps you sink deeper into the love of a woman's soft voice or the smell of her hair, or you spend a long night with a good friend telling good stories.

Live it. Love it and be kind.

Happy Friday.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

10 reasons to smile on a funny, sunny hump day.

I've said it before, I will say it again. August is a slow and lazy month. We are weeks away from school starting, people are throwing their last hooray of vacations at the imminent start to September, stores have converted to Fall fashion, and I am calm, easy and grateful. So here goes:

1. Panda-porn. No joke! One of the prime time Olympic sidestories last night featured a male Panda named "Lulu" eating Viagra biscuits (not really) and watching Panda porn on a TV to help get him in the mood for mating.

2. Waking up with an empty mind, and an open and lifted heart for no valid reason, and then choosing NOT to question it, but instead, to roll with it and shoot the likes of the mood out to ye friends and lovers.
3. The freedom to massacure the rules of commas and run-on sentences.

4. Having a dirty, vivid day-dream of dirty vivid sexy things before 7 am. Even better: physical reactions to the above that leave you flushed, wound-up and a little zippy for the day.

5. Having a double-entendre war with a friend over what Bill Clinton would have said/done (full impersonations necessary) if he got a chance to slap an Olympic volleyball players bum bum like Bush did.

6. The sound of water flapping on a dock mixed with the smell of charcoal, bug spray and sound of classic rock. (NOT referring to Kid Rock's latest video...more like a scene from the early Jaws movies pre-shark attack)

7. Finding illegitimate excuses to wear your strappy summer sandals because they look sexy and the season is coming to a close.

8. The return of Football. (which only means Hockey season is closer, if I'm being honest)

9. Hitting EVERY green light whilst a great song is playing in the car ( like Justin Nozuka's "After Tonight")...the feeling of good fortune and luck ensues and sets the tone for the rest of your day/night.

10. A good dinner with a good friend that reminds you that the only thing that matters in this squirrely, hairy life is the relationships that we work at, learn from and share with people we care about.

Tip-toe-heel raise, hip sway, bum-slap, high-kick, salsa circle, roger-rabbit, hokey-pokey twist, booby-grab, kiss blow, STOMP! ....Once again, you have been Lulu pixie tingled.

Now get out there and brighten some one's day. Pinch a butt, smile at a stranger and if nothing else, SMILE AT YOURSELF. It's contagious.

Monday, August 11, 2008


Okay, so someone, somewhere, had more time on their hands than I did this weekend...
Check this out. It is sure to get stuck in your head and make you laugh.


What did people do for mind-numbing, useless humor before Youtube? Love it.

What the.....weeekend?!

I know we all might have been suspicious to the signs, but it is official....I am a female-pervert. Truly. I don't say things just to be funny, I think them...alone. A good example would be while I was watching the Olympic 100M backstroke, and Matt Grevers was spotlighted underwater coming off the wall. Is his form great? Yes. It it really neato to watch a 6 foot 8 inch man gracefully manipulate his body through water with such speed? Sure. But I couldn't get two things out of my gutter-mind. 1. Those treasure path muscles that ALL the swimmers have running down the sides of their hips, and 2. WOW if he can move like that under water, undulating with his core and little bum...what kind of lover must he be....em em em...I am a pervert...Admittedly. Chances are it has NO baring, but I thought it. There you go.

I cried at the Opening Ceremonies. Little girl at the piano. "Harmony", being the theme, is one of my favorite words (except when used as a name for a stripper). The green-suited people changing colors with lights, the LED, Tai-Chi around children. Even more sappy of me, I cried at the small African or obscure countries that marched with such pride. The multitude of emotions and awe-inspiring experience they were taking in was on their grateful, eager faces. (aaawwwe).

Sadly, Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes passed away, strangely they were both just finishing wrapping a film TOGETHER called "Soulmen". Eek. That is strange. There are NO coincidences in life. Im becoming more convinced. John, John, Johnny Edwards? What were you thinking?! I am losing would appear that even the best of men (and women) fall prey to ego, or needing to be needed leading to one poor decision to the next. (slow head shake) I am not shocked. I am not mad. Its HIS life, but another one bites the dust. Man, or is messy.

And can we just talk about Matt McConaughey's aboriginal plans to bury his son's placenta sac under a tree? Really? Angelina's babies are adorable, and her family seemed so "real". Maddox not scene in one of the pics, yellow stains on Shiloh's shirt, Angie in a them. Always have, always will. Oil is still dropping, and the Dow surged over 300 points Friday. Georgia and Russia are spent the weekend in conflict. Losing airlines are going to start advertising to you in your seat...sweet. Is that before or after they charge me $2.00 for coffee, and another for my 3-yr old to use a blanket?

So there it is. I am a dirty-minded crybaby. Good men cheat. Funny and lascivious legends die. There is an inverse relation to Matt McConaughey's acting abilities and his crazy-o-meter, and it looks like flying will be as comfortable and relaxing as paying to pee in a french city toilet.

Happy Monday. Its gonna be a great one. I feel it. (well, that and the need to find myself a backstroke swimming lover...)

Thursday, August 7, 2008

"The Beach House": A Review, an interview and a warm and human story of happy endings.

There is nothing like the prospect of a good, beachy, warm-weather read. A treat in a book that will keep you looking forward to the still moments that allow you to devour a story, and its characters. If you are lucky, a good summer-book presents a feeling of contentment in your own life, even if only through minor identifications. Best selling chick-lit author, Jane Green has done it again.

I always say books choose you. I also always find myself reading more than one at a time, which makes for very interesting takes on all of them. I finished Jane Green's The Beach House while reading a clinical book on commitment phobia. Funny how that works. A few of the complicated characters in her latest novel served as role-plays or even demonstrations of the very psychology-heavy, almost text-book like pages of my other book. Jane does her research, that is for sure.

Over the years I have read seven of Jane's books. All of them made me laugh, or cry or want to get down-right lascivious. She has a subtle way of unraveling a character to you; presenting them as if through one lens, only to shake up a story with life's mishaps and fortunes. I remember reading "Jeminia J" and realizing that I actually got butterflies vicariously anticipating the first meeting of the lead character and her crush. Her words conjured up the actual feelings of unrelenting desire.

Similarly, the stories often refold and unfold; changing the shape of the character's human condition. Almost as if she opens a fictional person to you like a reflection of water..a little distorted, and fluid in concept, but always with awareness of oneself. That isn't easy. It is almost so human, that it requires incredible technical skill to allow for a reader to come to such realization through words on their own without being obvious. (I loathe obvious-staters)

After an interview with Jane, it became incredibly clear that she is candid and unapologetic, yet kind and unpretentious. When asked about "Jeminia J" she snickered that type of laugh that shrugs off the vulnerability to judgement and says:

"I was stuck in Santa Monica and absolutely miserable because I had just started this raging affair with somebody in New York who was from London..."

In an instant she had disarmed us all. To see her full back story for it, you can read the article written up in Marie Claire Magazine.

The idea of non-judgement is a good basis for the several unraveling story lines in "The Beach House". It is a story of several intrinsically valuable people stumbling through their own missteps. It is a story of "coming home" to yourself through interacting with others, and being less reactionary. One of the main characters is a native Nantucketer in her sixties. Faced with some financial woes, she decides to let her house out to vacationers. All types of emotional relationships are navigated within the walls and property of this house. It almost feels Shakespearean. A mother and her teenage daughter, dealing with divorce, a commiment-phobe and his needy girlfriend, a husband and wife dealing with big secrets and one's aching need to live free of them.

Perhaps it was her articulate descriptions of the Nantucket mindset that allows for all these near-strangers to accept and learn about each other without judgement. I won't give too much away, but it feels like a cozy warm summer night where inhibitions, and perceptions and need for approval almost dissipate into the condensation of the ocean. People learn themselves by their tying bond...being human, and wanting to improve.

When I asked Jane to explain with whom she most identified with in the characters she described her self as "softer". She went on to say:

"I think that’s probably motherhood. I think motherhood changed me in ways I could have never have anticipated. And one of those ways is no longer being afraid to show vulnerability. So I think there's a little bit of me in all of the characters."

It was quite fascinating to hear that she, being a mother, has to sequester herself at a library (never for more than 4 hours at a time) to truly produce pages. It was inspiring to learn how she is able to turn everyday life circumstances into these intricate stories that move people. She rented a house in Nantucket and ran with this book idea. She saw a woman on the beach and conjured up the multi-layered depth of "Nan". I could hear in her voice that she cherishes motherhood, and the freedom of writing and letting go of the past. Her sense of peace was palpable in the interview.

Overall, Jane Green seems incredibly fair and wisely accepting of people and life as it happens (which is usually quite unexpected and messy). When asked what she thought of bloggers she was gracious and complimentary, but also warned that

"it’s often done without thought to the impact the words may have, and that would be my only criticism. I mean I just sort of urge people to think about what they're writing, because once it’s out there, you can’t take it back."

She then went on to describe an instance when she wrote about Christie Brinkley's divorce for the Huffington Post (ahem, I'm sure mine was an example of what NOT to write) and got hundreds of comments about how "judgemental" she was being. It is a slippery slope anytime you put your thoughts out there. I am soaking slick, I imagine. She went on to explain:

"But when you think you're being responsible, you're writing about something you believe in, you're editing it as you go along, you're checking that you haven’t written anything that could be perceived as inflammatory or contemptuous, and it still is. There's only so much you can do. I mean if you put yourself out there, you're going to get feedback and not all of it is going to be good."

Well, readers....the feedback for "The Beach House" has been quite fantastic...."good "would be an understatement. I'm not going to say the book will change your life, or leave you kneeling in awe of your own epiphanies, but it just might make you more aware of that inner voice you have begging you to be more gentle. It might send you to craigslist searching for a cottage on Nantucket, or hunting down your own journey to understanding that happy endings are always there, you just have to be willing to find them.

This is a book that dives into a multitude of human conditions of the heart and ego. This is a book that will let you take deep breaths of faith in fate and full circles. Read it. Enjoy it. Be Happy.

For this book or information on all her others, visit Jane Green's website.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Anderson Cooper can't stand "Living Lohan"

Last night, my hormones went into overdrive for my favorite white-haired, sardonic, love-munch news caster...ANDERSON COOPER. My side note: His ears, his perfect little pink lips and the confidence he has in himself is almost unbearable.

My only knock against him is that he asked Monday night on AC360: "Who writes in a coffee shop?". Anderson, women who have children, and cannot write at home, and shouldn't write on the job at the office, take their computers to dribble out their best efforts of what could be the next novel, blog post, or love letter TO YOU!!!! Be nice. Meanie. I love meanies like him.

Okay, Erica Hill and Anderson were discussing Coops' disgust with Dina Lohan. They were in full flirty, sarcasm mode and it was perfect. "Erica, Dina Lohan on the phone for you..." Anderson quipped jokingly as she took accountability for calling Dina "Seedy". I know there are big news stories: Chinese Olympics, the Stock Market 300+ point rally, Obama and McCain polls showing a tight race, and this friggen' hooker-pole dancing mother who gave her child to wilder beasts or something, but Anderson Cooper and Erica Hill please me when they get stupid, silly and laugh at the obnoxious nature of our US celebrities. The clip below shows his guest appearence on "Regis and Kelly" where the Dina-bashing began.

I've gotta say, I didnt know he was as dark-humored and bitter as he is. I kind of like it! I know he has exercised his mommy-demons of an overly colorful and open past (that she had) but who knew such a hottie, smart news-man could be so ironical and full of dead-pan delivery. Erica Hill was pretty funny quoting Dina Lohan's comment to OK Magazine saying: "This is bad Karma for him". Erica raised those sexy eyebrows and mocked " know.....Karma." Good stuff.

Crush on Anderson Cooper reinstated. Move over Erica Hill. I want to suck on his tiny top lip, or grab him by his ears and make him crack jokes about 14 year-olds that look 60 and talk in his raspy female smoker-mom impersonation...

Good things, Good karma, good laughs Anderson. Well played. Happy day.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Billie Piper is piping HOT on "Secret Diary of a Call Girl"

Right. Showtime is taking provocative to whole new heights this season. Californication will make you blush and cackle with laughter in the same breath, but sweet "Belle" in Secret Diary of a Call Girl shows the strange and surprisingly intriguing side of professional whores. The show is based on the true diary of a former London-based call girl.

I will say it now: Human trafficking is heart-wrenching and despicable, hooking in general, is great joke material, but often alienating and life wrecking, but we are dealing in fantasy and soft camera lenses here. So bare with the concept before you get all Nancy Grace on me. The story is of a 27 year old Hannah, whose professional name is "Belle" (played by British actress Billie Piper). The show dives into all sorts of London in a "Sex AND the city" type of way.

A far cry from her pop music attempt and young-marriage to a Chris Evans (He was 35, she was 18), she brings a tangible maturity and aire of self-sufficiency. As the show splits through her two lives, Billie finds a plausible way to infuse the role with both feministic qualities (I shite you not!) and the pain of a secret life.

Her duplicity and ability to compartmentalize is astonishing. She has two closets, two areas of her condo, and everyone of her friends and family believe she is a night-legal secretary. ( to explain the good money and strange hours). Billie has a way of pulling you into her seemingly intimate situations with her affability. She resembles the girl you would have fallen in love with in high school, doing very bad things. She makes frequent eye-contact with the camera, specifically at poignant or quirky moments of her loneliness or a bizarre client request.

Another way the show keeps you interested past the strange sex parties, the man who wanted to be a horse, the moonlighting she does at a hotel while one client is sleeping, threesomes and dominatrix, is her friendship with her ex-boyfriend who is now her best friend. He keeps it real. They jog together,go to her mother's for sunday lunch, discuss marriage, love, sex and life with the casual informality of close friends.

It is certainly not for everyone. If you are a little faint at sexual awkwardness or worse, witnessing complete inhibition, keep watching "Wife Swap" or "TLC". There is something about Billie Piper's body. Not the typical rail-thin model body, she carries an absolute confidence in her small breasts and wide hips, she is stunningly beautiful and somehow...the cutest, most lovable hooker you ever did see.

Take a peek. Be naughty. If nothing else, it is a sure-fire way to spruce up your Monday night. (SHO,Mon: 9:30CST)

Monday, August 4, 2008

Rainy days and Mondays...

There is nothing like waking up to the pitch black shadow overhang of torrential downpours. Oh wait...there is, waking up to pitch black shadow overhang of torrential downpours at 6:00 am on a Monday. Taaaa dahhhhhhh. Honestly, I'm in surprisingly good spirits. Who needs a job, or a Nanny? (clear throat).

So let's see. Christina Applegate has breast cancer. Brangelina pics are coming out from People and Hello this week. Brett Favre is going back with the Green Bay Packers. How does that work? They were going to pay him NOT to go to another team? That should be a new proviso in divorce agreements. "I will accept 2o million NOT to marry anyone else, so long as I live." - that would be a dream.

There is something lazy about August. No one is quite on their game, everything seems slower, and a little boring. I usually bask in boring, but lately it is a bit tedious. I miss the bumping roll of things; the buzz of energy. I see how people start looking forward to fall. The change in seasons, the need to plan, and gather and organize. I am ready to do something. Sex? Love? Rock n Roll with Aerosmith's GH3?

What to do on a pouring rainy day in August?Some ideas that have tumbled through my overly tired and temporarily useless mind today:

1. Feng Shui my whole life...starting with the wealth and romance corners. Oh! And the "stay thin" side wall, and the "effortless bliss" back window. Done and done....tomorrow or some shite.

2. Listen to Jeff Buckley, Nick Drake or Nora Jones in the fetal position, while rocking slowly.

3. Delete all friends from FACEBOOK. Post mass-wall message saying: "You know why."

4. Stuff mouth with lemon heads;blow spouse....No, I'm not that bored, and it's not that rainy.

5. Write and post a list of Restroom Rules at the workplace. Start it with: "Due to recent storm-sewer issues....1. Do not sit on, or near the toilet seat, as spontaneous up-shoots have been reported. 2. Do not touch any metal, or use water on your extremeties...etc."

(sigh) Rainy rainy Monday grey. Don't come back another day...