Lulu on Shine.com

I like to consider myself someone who is on the cutting edge. I know there are those of you who are way beyond that description, maybe you are the thought to cut the edge, and the so on...I do, however, know a great web site when I see one.

Look, I value my time. Tonight was supposed to be devoted to a new episode of "House" with one of my reoccurring top three, Hugh Laurie. I was also supposed to watch the new episode of "Samantha Who?" (What, what Chi-ca-go.) But...instead, I perused the pages, and articles on Shine.com. I recognized a few mom-bloggers, I stopped to read great articles from magazines I love, I even scoffed at some entertainment news about Miley Cyrus and Booby Johansson. (Whom I truly believe Ryan Reynolds will dump!) It felt like a slow stroll through a sunny cobblestone web-street.

I found Shine. A brand-spanking new site for women. This site covers everything from love and sex, health and fitness, parenting, and everything in between. Some pretty innovative women have found a way to find the most interesting web-content floating in space and present it in a hip and ever-evolving forum.

To take a look at my newly started blog on Shine, Click Here

Shine on, shine on, shine on!

You give me fever.....FEVER!

So, It's been a doozy. I have been hot, sweaty, tingly and on my back for about 4 days straight. The sad part about that description, is that it has nothing to do with some ha cha cha time, or a secret rendez-vous with a fantasy boyfriend (or my husband) but instead...today is the sixth day in a row that I have had a killer fever.

It wasn't your average I'm a little sick fever, no, It was like the demon-giant fever. This fever felt like metal plates had been installed between my bones and correlating muscle. It felt like my eyeballs were set up to an electric-shock machine, and every time I tried to turn them (eyes) my whole body would shiver with pain. I was delirious, sorry for myself and out right pathetic.

A few things I have learned about having a fever:

1.) Wine won't help. Ever. After 1/4 glass on Friday night, I ended up with what felt like a cement block for a head...and a 102 fever that night.

2.)Rent movies, even if you are incoherent.Laying in bed thinking: "why? why? why?" doesn't get you anywhere. Just this morning at 3:00am I suffered through "Regarding Henry" much better than I would suffer through my destructive thoughts on fever. A fever is to my sanity and peacfulness what a jack-hammer is to cement (refer to #1).

3.) Don't stick around to see people's reactions when you tell them you are sick, and your husband is out of town. You might start hysterically crying at the tiniest amount of compassion. I did. (thrice)

4.) Pay no attention to your dreams. Most likely they involve carnival pig-foot bobbing, or strange encounters with your ex-boyfriend wearing women's clothes and trying to put mascara on your lips. It's the fevers fault. Do not read into them.

5.) The doctor's thermometer ALWAYS reads lower than yours at home. ( like the scale reads heavier) So, the third time I went to the doctor, I took no chances..I brought my own to show the bastards that my 102.1 wasn't a figment of my imagination no matter what their piece of shite said. I'm sick. I'm hot. Please fix it.

Some tokens of sickly wisdom from me to you. Stay hot. I am.

A girls' guide to March Madness brackets

Whaaaaa Whaaaaa Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I am so excited my skin is buzzing. So it is widely known that men generally enjoy March Madness, but women really SHOULD too. After all, it has our two innate attributes: Competition and the chance to be RIGHT! (63 times) It can give "Sweet Sixteen" a whole new meaning. Seriously, Stay with me.

What makes me a credible source to guide a gal through this man-fest of ups and downs, eliminations and upsets? Nothing. Well, next to nothing. Let's see. I have a long history of following basketball, only because I fell in love with it eons ago, or at least a healthy smattering of its players. My first valentine came from a pro-ballers son, Moses Malone. (Nice) I worked at a Kenny Smith camp in Texas where...I had crushes.

Then came high school, and the love for my high school sweetheart. That is when I dug in and learned...solely to seem knowledgeable and interested at first. You know the term "fake it to make it"? I mastered that, and some other things. Eventually it worked, and dribble, bounce, boingo! In a few weeks I understood screen plays, box and one formations,penetrating the D, the Hack a Shaq, the full court press, and mechanical techniques of the wrist. (oh stop, I'm still talking about the game). I've been hooked ever since.

So, with my lacking and limited knowledge I bestow a few little nuggets of bracket choosing knowledge. I will be concise here. I know you probably don't really care. You probably just want to look cool in front of your new boyfriend, or co-workers. By all means, go ahead. I did it. No judgement here.

1.) Seed = ranking and its based on their conference. blah blah blah. you get it. I wont insult your intelligence: 1 is "better" than 16.

2.) A number 16 team has NEVER beaten a number 1 team. So, don't plan your upset in the first round with a number 1 ranked team. I will repeat more clearly, put all your number 1 teams on the second line. That simple.


3.) Lucky number 9. Number 9 teams tend to do well against number 8 teams, make sure you have at least ONE winning that game.


4.) Play pretty safe ( if you want to seem at all aware of the game). Stick with big name teams, even if you went to Drake. Maybe they go to the sweet sixteen, but be careful of your heart getting away from your head. Sorry. I'm a chick. I have this problem DAILY.


5.) Get into it. This is a really fun way to engage with the man in your life. Stakes are a great way to make it more personal. Throw down some girly stakes, most likely he will bite. (IE: "If Villanova beats Clemson I will do that funky ______ you like.") You get it.


If you have any doubts, ask a female basketball player. That is your best bet. They know their shizzle. Okay. Well. Best of luck, play big and get lucky!

To get the full brackets for 2008:
CLICK HERE

Love it! If you don't, pretend you do. Start by yelling some of the following at the TV:

"Can he do that?!"
"Seriously!? That was a flagrant foul!"
"See, that's why I think "shuffle" is better than "continuity". These guys aren't tall. I could block their point guard!"
"Pass it!"
"Easy buckets guys (say this calmly), don't be a hero." (say this annoyed)

Ha Cha Cha....Ladies and ballers, let's ball.

3 things that feel fantastic when you're sick:

I have been "sick like dog" lately. Fever, runny nose....basically the tag line the Nyquil commercial. A few things have made me feel good during these cold/flu season:

1.) Burping. No joke. Burping (I am unable to do it voluntarily, so it comes as little surprise moments of reprieve) tickles a scratchy throat. I think it’s the air pressure, or the contraction of the larynx...who knows. Who cares? Burp a lot if you can.

2.) Neck-head rolls. I know I may look like I am some wanna-be-sexy-dancer that should be sitting open-legged on a backwards chair when I do this, but it somehow dislodges mucous from all sinus passage ways. Head hangs in front, then slowly (and with an open mouth) rolls to the right, back and then left and to the front. Doing it for about 2 minutes works well. Yep. I just let Mucous and sexy share a sentence. I'm crazy.

3.) Aquaphor. Maybe you know what this is, maybe you don't. It’s a liquid-based skin protect ant for burns, dry-skin, babies. Mostly used for infants. I put it on my daughter when the air is so cold her boogers freeze. So...I tried it all over my LIPS. Ahhhh...I looked like I had gone head first into a placenta sac, but it felt fantastic. There are few things worse than mouth-breathing your way to arid, cracked lips. Worse...I couldn’t laugh without bleeding. Now that should never be allowed. Laughing and bleeding. That’s like counter-intuitive torture.

The great grey skies of flu/cold fog parted this morning. I sound like a raspy cigarette-smoking Simpson's Aunt, but I can breathe again. I woke up, and both nostrils worked. My body wasn’t begging me to lie back down, and I actually felt inspired to do more than trudge through the day.

It makes me really grateful to be well. Perhaps getting sick is a small way of the world telling us to appreciate that we can breathe without discomfort, swallow without pain, and have enough energy to motor around all day? I also noticed the obscene over use of the word: "exhausted".
Exhausted is 2 days home with a 2 year old and 100+ fever.

Go be well. Be grateful if you are, and get better if you are not.

5 thoughtful ways to a smiling face today.

1. Be Grateful: Take stock right now of 3 things you get to be wasteful of that people elsewhere don't. Maybe you poured an entire bottle of "smart water" into the sink, because it was "old". Maybe you have a healthy beautiful child that thinks you are the world. Maybe YOU are well and capable of walking, talking, cartwheeling and you forget to notice that some people can't. Maybe you woke up today, and had no particular stressors. Yeah! Be grateful.

2. Practice Perspective: Whatever particular strain of "demon" or negative inner rhetoric is banging down your self-esteem or obstructing your view, try and pull back and look at the whole picture. Is this going to mean anything to you in six months? in six days? It's very easy to get caught in the problems of right now, but better to keep things where they belong, in perspective to the bigger picture of our lives. Does what he/she thinks change anything?

3. Roll and Bounce: There are so many things we cannot control....and most of the time we are running like mad on the hamster wheel to change the direction of things. If you get handed a blow at work, bounce back. It happened, you cant change it. Move on. If a lover or friend needs you at an inconvenient time, or worse, leaves you...roll with it. Being rigid, and the inability to bend with the constant sway of change can brake you. Understand that your value is in your core, and your capacity to evolve with all the things around you that are inevitably going to change makes YOU better.

4. Give Oil to Silent Wheels: I think it's sad that the "squeaky wheel gets the oil". Life shouldn't work that way, but it does. Make it a personal mission to love and appreciate the people in your life that need MINIMAL attention and codling. We tend to take t hem for granted, some times we are flat out mean to the one's we love the most out of pure comfort level. Snap out of it. Love them FIRST, and hardest, with all you have. The rewards and reciprocation are two-fold, because there is no over-extension in the first place. Pay attention to who they are. Notice how little they appear to need, and give them the best you've got.

5. Reclaim your time: We spend so much of our days over-planned and busy, or aggressively staking our "down time" by vegging out in front of the TV or sleeping. Try setting a goal of taking ten minutes out of everyday to have focused meditation time for yourself. Maybe its a quiet walk where you replay your day, and think of positive things you are grateful for. Maybe you think of five people you want to send happy thoughts to, whatever it is. Be conscious, be aware, be positive. You will no doubt, feel better for having taken the time to marinate in your thoughts, yourself, and your intentions.

Yeah, you want to roll your eyes..S'ok. Hey, I'm just psyched we are almost done with January. Tom Brady is going to be in my living room on Sunday, M&M's are going to be pink and red next week, the sun is out, I haven't heard about Britney Spears in awhile..things are on the up.

It's the little things...Get easy to please or get gone.

Going to the movies alone.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a bit of an addiction to seeing movies BY MYSELF. It was all born out of pure circumstance. You have a baby, you have no relatives in the same state (and only one in this country) so you learn to adapt. You take turns doing things.

That's not to say I never did it before. I remember my first movie alone was "Serendipity" at Webster theatre in Chicago on a Friday night with tons of couples. I was defiant. I loved it. It feels so rebellious. It's like breaking rules, and stealing quiet time in a public place. My heart skips a beat when I open up a movie listing page and see that the timing works perfectly. The smell of popcorn and oil and nasty hot dogs, and new(or old) carpet sends a warm calm through my spine.

There are so many choices involved, I guess I feel a tiny sense of power, a sense of NOT worrying about anyone else. It is pure selfishness that has no negative effects. I pick the movie, when I want to go, eat what I want, sit where I want, and have no distractions. If someone is annoying me, I stand up and move, or better leave and go see something else. Ahhhhh....its a simple pleasure of playing hooky.

Things you need to know before going to the movies alone:

1.) Always use the electronic kiosk. Avoid lines, and the embarrassing request of : "One for Jane Austen Book Club, please."

2.) NEVER, I repeat NEVER, get your refreshments before going to the bathroom. There is not a purse shelf, or any place to put food other than the floor. Nasty. I didn't realize this until AFTER I had purchased a salted pretzel with some aseptic cheese (YUMMY!). Won't happen again. There went $5.50 in the toilet....Literally.

3.) Timing matters. Choose the show in the middle of the day, odd times yield less people. 3:00, 2:20, 1:55. Most people are working.
3a.) Be prepared for strange samplings. Just don't look around.

4.) Make Good Decisions. Be thoughtful of people you might see movies with later, and pick movies they would never want to see. Especially if your movie-going is a secret. No one ever asks to see "I'm not there, 300, The Savages, The Bucket List, The Orphanage...etc with me. You might get forced into seeing movies multiple times if you go too mainstream. ( If you are attached in any way)

5.) Sit wisely. Obviously try and stay away from the chatty ladies who have been talking since their tickets were split. Stay away from the strange man in a trench coat, or the woman in the ski-hat who is rocking from side to side. I prefer to go to the very top back( where you can put your feet up on the railing) or the center of an empty aisle. Also...if the theatre isn't empty and you didn't see any handicapped on your way in, score that seat. NO ONE can sit next to you...heaven.

Get going...live a little. You might just start a new vice. It feels so good it can't be bad...

3 things you should NOT do this weekend.

1. Watch Mr. Woodcock - Seriously, It hurt to watch, dialogue was lame and predictable. I can't figure out what makes Billy Bob Thorton so "pretty"? Is it his lips? Someone ask Susan Sarandon to fire her agent. I would rather watch Wonder Pets, or Pinky Dinky doo than see a second more of that movie again....and I love overly goofy, in your face comedies about old wounds, bad teachers and awkward karma. Don't see it.

2. Pretend you know what "quid pro quo" means- If you say it, understand it. I will give you a nickle of knowledge here, feel free to through back three cents. It is a legal term that is loosely used as slang, but it means when one thing is exchanged for another( usually when the worth of one of those items is in question). A favor for another, a give and take of relative equality. How many times have you misused it? Hm. Me too. You keep the whole half-dime.

3.Believe the schlong-tent in the first 3 minutes of Dane Cook's movie Good Luck Chuck. - I wont name name's, and I wont say anything about his left angle-hook, but although it encouraged goofy-inhale laughs from men in the room, it was a little self-gratiutious. Needless to say, fabricated. ( literally)

Love smells. "Science of Love" in Lulu words.

So, today's buzz so far is about the Science of love. It was on "Good Morning America" this morning, it was on the radio as I drove to work today. So, I thought I'd take a stab at it. I have been shaking my head all morning, tongue clicking and throwing my hands into the air ( even in the car) while saying: "hello? of course!"

Remember, I know nothing in the huge general, academia-scheme of things, but I do, however, understand the tricks and physical manifestation of love-lust with great specificity. I do not have any major accredited degree in the arena of science or clinical testing, but if the following qualify me at all, then listen up: Falling in love, love at first site, love-making, throwing my soul like a sticky centipede onto a man, sucking love from a man like a vortex,tripping into love with unsuspecting men of power, crossing the suggested-sexual innuendo line, staying in lust, losing lust, and other general love-making monkey business.

Okay, disclaimers and self-berating complete. "They say" the following four things heavily, and scientifically factor into how we perceive possible mating partners:

1.) Facial and Hip Symmetry- This is obvious. People like to look at things that are symmetrical, even eyes, lower in the face ,small nose, small lips, nice even body ratio.It makes sense. Look at any beautiful model/actor(s), Heidi Klum doesn't have any strange over-sized features. This is why cosmetic surgery is surging. (sigh)Same with men, however I am shocked at how many good looking men have small hands. ( I AM TERRIFIED, PHOBIC really, of small handed men...sorry)

Tip: You cant do anything about it, so if you have a low-hanging ear or have been referred to as "Captain forehead" , start working on your bright personality. Ultimately, people stick it out with people that make them laugh, and feel appreciated. Looks just get you to the door. There are other entries, this is just the easiest. I think people who find alternate routes are WAY more interesting. I always fell for the funny semi-ugly dudes. (almost always)

2. Ovulation baby! Now, I am confessing another secret, but I have always used my cycles to my advantage. Modeling shoots on days I ovulate, planning trips, etc. It is a remarkable explosion of sexuality when the two O's decide to pop an egg down the shoot. 99% of the time I didn't want to utilize my body's intention for its baby-making signals, but the by-products are sure handy! My skin is tighter, my weight drops by 4 to 5 lbs and I notice everything sexual...the arse on the man walking in front of me to the train, the sway in my hips...I will stop there.

Tip: Just like women are aware of their "off" week. Be just as aware of you "ON" week!You might find you are way more open to perceiving men as intriguing and positively sack-able. Better yet, your confidence is sky high so your chances of being noticed, and allowing for a conversation with Mr. Right, or right now. Run with it. Use protection though!

3.) Smell sells - OKAY. I have said this for years. I am turned on, I confess, by the slight smell of a man's armpit (if he hasn't eaten anything onion or garlicky). Clinical studies found that women given shirts worn by different men, overwhelmingly found the more "symmetrical" men to smell better. I don't know what the heck that means, but I think women enjoy smelling men that had similar genetic scents. (huh?) Yeah, apparently there is some science in the evolution of things, maybe it was to prevent baboons from walking up to an ant-eater and pole dancing to Barry White. It also helped first-cousins be less attracted to each other to avoid not-so-optimal genetic matches. ( Kentucky and West Virgina did NOT get that memo) (awe...that was mean)

3a.)Pheromones: So sexual intentions and feelings can actually travel through air and other particles (According to LiveSource). That said, I guess it flies a little low on the radar, like 10 inches off the ground from our bodies, so unless we are army-crawling through our daily tasks, its not so easy to pick up on.

Tip: Next time you find yourself strangely inhaling your dates whiff as he passes by, see it as a "green light" to proceed. Something in your body is saying you fit. I, personally, think the smell is best identified the morning after, when there is no cologne and perfume left to mask things, but then, there in lies the conundrum. Shirts or Skins? Maybe just first base reconnaissance.

4.) Visual cues: I almost didn't even write this one down because its so obvious. But apply it to yourself. All things being equal, if two people were standing across from you and one had his/her arms crossed and was scouring, and the other was laughing, smiling and standing confidently, who would you want to look at? I'm not saying you have to run around looking cool, and happy, I'm just saying it helps.

Tip: Smile more. Dress in a way that makes YOU feel confident, cool or not, how you feel will come through in how you behave, and look, so feel good!

There you are ladies and lovers....now go smell some armpits!

Beam Brighter in 2 minutes or less.

I am not certain if it is the short days, or the drag of January, but all around me people are tense. I thought I would attempt to shine a little white beam out at the general group of readers, critics, and curious transient mistake hits.

Let me validate you first. Yes it is the season of loneliness and low neuro-peptide releases. Lack of sunshine means lack of vitamin D which helps release more serotonin, but enough about that. Simply put. We are in perpetual lulls of grey. We are trying to look to the future, make plans, see the bright side. That's exhausting sometimes, and you have every right to be a crab. Just know, everything is temporary.

Only you can make the conscious choice to say: "Hm. This whole self-pity, wallow pool of bad-mood stink isn't quite working out for me lately." If your psyche isn't down for the uphill battle of summoning all good thoughts and creating a pillowy-love fest for yourself...try these quick little tid-bits that work for me:

1. Primal scream. Really. Clench your fists and scream as loud as you can (into a cushion, or tuperware) or if you have real balls in the middle of the city. Ha. If nothing else its amusing. I usually do it with my 2 year old, who gladly sees it as a game, we then end up competing to see who has the more glass-breaking pitch. ( she wins)

2. Shove a shopping cart. This is a great one. It works best when there are tons of them stacked behind each other. Take both hands and shove it as hard as you can into the carrel. It has a great domino-metal-crash-bang effect, and no one gets hurt. You could even throw the primal scream in for good measure. 2-in-1.

3. Sing a song. Make this a little more formal by adding a brush or straitening iron for a microphone. Sing the song with everything you have. It is important that the song is cheesy and up beat, and has no major emotional tie to anything.

4. PRT- Personal reflection time. This is my acronym for masturbate. Do it. Trust me. It releases more calming agents into your bloodstream than an entire bottle of wine. Hell, do it twice. Pick an old flame or new random lover for inspiration and roll with it. Park the shame at the bedside. No room for it. You deserve pleasure, and god knows you do it best.

5. Say something nice - It is true that hearing positive words evokes positive feelings. Say something nice to a friend, a loved one, or write a random kindness email or text. The feeling of making someone else feel a little better has a direct effect of making you feel helpful and kind. You might even find it gets reciprocated.

Laugh, heavy pet a friend/or lover, and scream. It works. Go out there and beam bright!

Sexy Moment-specific Songs:

Five random songs I think every one should get tangled in salty sweaty sweetness to:

1. For the rainy day-playful afternoon delight variety :
"Raincheck" - Van Morrison. - The guitar intro alone can slink your clothes off. Not all the lyrics work, but all of it together works. "I don't fade away... Unless I want to". Plus, its almost 6 minutes long...tee hee.

2. For the steamy end of an evening, passionate possible mistake:
"Say it Right- Nelly Furtado" - The drum beat alone makes for good beguiling hip-sways.

3. For hesitant, but body-buzzing magnetic chemistry finally being explored in a slow lean towards impulsive seduction:
"Crush" - Dave Mathews - It needs no real description. Just listen to it.

4. For the slow-take your time and savor the blissful moments:
"Grace" - Kate Havenik - This song is sensually haunting and emotionally raw.

5. For the supportive sweet and innocent (as it can be) make-up sex:
"By your side" - Sade - yeah, whatever. Its sweet and tender.

...What song makes your tummy-tingle?

Wine Stain be gone.

Magic wine removal on carpet....found.

I was drinking a lovely Italian Merlot last night, when by some indescribable pillow-transferring disaster, I spilt an entire glass of RED on my light, tight-woven wool blend carpet. This is one of those moments that if caught on camera,would have looked hilarious in one of those night-vision videos.

Whilst trying to move an oversized pillow from my right side, to my left without moving my stretched legs (crossed at the ankles), I tossed it into the air. You see, I overestimated my trajectory throw-to-minimal movement ratio, and well, the pillow hit my head.

I shrugged, then did a strange panic-jerk cheer leading arm thrust. The wine glass flew up, did a double-pike swim dive, and then came back down. Not without spilling all over my head, clothes, the couch and the floor. All within less than 15 seconds. (sigh).

I scrambled to find carpet cleaner. The stain reshaped and rebuked it's attempts. I think I heard it laugh at me. So, I grab my trustee computer and on the net I find THIS:

Recipe for wine removal:
Mix Hydrogen Peroxide and Dish washing soap
Pour onto the stains, let soak
Pour water and blot with paper towels

It worked fantastically.

Lesson of the day:
1.) Never underestimate the mess your laziness can lead to.
2.) Never overestimate your powers to do simple tasks after drinking.
3.) How to remove a terrible wine stain with household products

No bust. Pretending to work tips.

10 Things you can do to appear busy while Holiday shopping at work:

1.) Say a random number under your breath and shuffle through papers. "Two hundred...and...thirty eight. Cool. Where is that invoiceee?....."

2.) Make a grimace or confused face at your computer screen. Even if it IS your hotmail in box. Shake your head and curl your lip for added plausibility.

3.) Deep breathe as if annoyed.

4.) Ask someone near by a random question about a project/deadline you think might sound pertinent. "Chris? Did you get that Creative brief from the agency?" Ignore his "WTF?" face and act like your question is relevant.

5.) Get up swiftly and walk to the printer. (or print a random paper at your desk) Hum or sing like you are as busy as a Snow White drawf. "Hi hoo...Hi hoo.."

6.) Say some one's name out loud with disdain, while looking at your computer. "Seriously, Michelle? Geez..."

7.) Pick up your phone and answer: "This is Lulu? Yes. Hi. I just got it...I know. I know. Well...I've been working on it for an hour now." (Caution: this can backfire if your phone isn't on vibrate.)

8.) Grab a pen and start circling things and making notes on paper you have at your desk. Do it hurried and nervously, so it looks like you HAVE to get the specific urgent fact out.

9.) Always have a spreadsheet or industry specific document open behind whatever you are doing(online). Close Internet short cut is: "CTRL + W"

10.) Lean in to your computer ( hunch a little) and squint your eyes as if to look closer.

That's fine. You can look aghast.....but ... You know it. YOU do it.