Tuesday, April 15, 2008

You give me fever.....FEVER!

So, It's been a doozy. I have been hot, sweaty, tingly and on my back for about 4 days straight. The sad part about that description, is that it has nothing to do with some ha cha cha time, or a secret rendez-vous with a fantasy boyfriend (or my husband) but instead...today is the sixth day in a row that I have had a killer fever.

It wasn't your average I'm a little sick fever, no, It was like the demon-giant fever. This fever felt like metal plates had been installed between my bones and correlating muscle. It felt like my eyeballs were set up to an electric-shock machine, and every time I tried to turn them (eyes) my whole body would shiver with pain. I was delirious, sorry for myself and out right pathetic.

A few things I have learned about having a fever:

1.) Wine won't help. Ever. After 1/4 glass on Friday night, I ended up with what felt like a cement block for a head...and a 102 fever that night.

2.)Rent movies, even if you are incoherent.Laying in bed thinking: "why? why? why?" doesn't get you anywhere. Just this morning at 3:00am I suffered through "Regarding Henry" much better than I would suffer through my destructive thoughts on fever. A fever is to my sanity and peacfulness what a jack-hammer is to cement (refer to #1).

3.) Don't stick around to see people's reactions when you tell them you are sick, and your husband is out of town. You might start hysterically crying at the tiniest amount of compassion. I did. (thrice)

4.) Pay no attention to your dreams. Most likely they involve carnival pig-foot bobbing, or strange encounters with your ex-boyfriend wearing women's clothes and trying to put mascara on your lips. It's the fevers fault. Do not read into them.

5.) The doctor's thermometer ALWAYS reads lower than yours at home. ( like the scale reads heavier) So, the third time I went to the doctor, I took no chances..I brought my own to show the bastards that my 102.1 wasn't a figment of my imagination no matter what their piece of shite said. I'm sick. I'm hot. Please fix it.

Some tokens of sickly wisdom from me to you. Stay hot. I am.

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