Sunday, March 16, 2008

A girls' guide to March Madness brackets

Whaaaaa Whaaaaa Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I am so excited my skin is buzzing. So it is widely known that men generally enjoy March Madness, but women really SHOULD too. After all, it has our two innate attributes: Competition and the chance to be RIGHT! (63 times) It can give "Sweet Sixteen" a whole new meaning. Seriously, Stay with me.

What makes me a credible source to guide a gal through this man-fest of ups and downs, eliminations and upsets? Nothing. Well, next to nothing. Let's see. I have a long history of following basketball, only because I fell in love with it eons ago, or at least a healthy smattering of its players. My first valentine came from a pro-ballers son, Moses Malone. (Nice) I worked at a Kenny Smith camp in Texas where...I had crushes.

Then came high school, and the love for my high school sweetheart. That is when I dug in and learned...solely to seem knowledgeable and interested at first. You know the term "fake it to make it"? I mastered that, and some other things. Eventually it worked, and dribble, bounce, boingo! In a few weeks I understood screen plays, box and one formations,penetrating the D, the Hack a Shaq, the full court press, and mechanical techniques of the wrist. (oh stop, I'm still talking about the game). I've been hooked ever since.

So, with my lacking and limited knowledge I bestow a few little nuggets of bracket choosing knowledge. I will be concise here. I know you probably don't really care. You probably just want to look cool in front of your new boyfriend, or co-workers. By all means, go ahead. I did it. No judgement here.

1.) Seed = ranking and its based on their conference. blah blah blah. you get it. I wont insult your intelligence: 1 is "better" than 16.

2.) A number 16 team has NEVER beaten a number 1 team. So, don't plan your upset in the first round with a number 1 ranked team. I will repeat more clearly, put all your number 1 teams on the second line. That simple.

3.) Lucky number 9. Number 9 teams tend to do well against number 8 teams, make sure you have at least ONE winning that game.

4.) Play pretty safe ( if you want to seem at all aware of the game). Stick with big name teams, even if you went to Drake. Maybe they go to the sweet sixteen, but be careful of your heart getting away from your head. Sorry. I'm a chick. I have this problem DAILY.

5.) Get into it. This is a really fun way to engage with the man in your life. Stakes are a great way to make it more personal. Throw down some girly stakes, most likely he will bite. (IE: "If Villanova beats Clemson I will do that funky ______ you like.") You get it.

If you have any doubts, ask a female basketball player. That is your best bet. They know their shizzle. Okay. Well. Best of luck, play big and get lucky!

To get the full brackets for 2008:

Love it! If you don't, pretend you do. Start by yelling some of the following at the TV:

"Can he do that?!"
"Seriously!? That was a flagrant foul!"
"See, that's why I think "shuffle" is better than "continuity". These guys aren't tall. I could block their point guard!"
"Pass it!"
"Easy buckets guys (say this calmly), don't be a hero." (say this annoyed)

Ha Cha Cha....Ladies and ballers, let's ball.


bestonline323 said...

I love March Madness!!
ofcourse women should too. Even if not for the sports, then for the muscular arms. I'm in it for the sports, excitement, and sometimes even yelling at the tv.

This is a brilliant guide for March Madness Brackets though! Just before this i read the most hilarious article about brackets here hope you like it: "Some say filling out an NCAA Tournament bracket is like riding a bike. But for some, riding a bike means crashing into a tree, or being dragged for two miles by an oblivious truck driver. True, you never forget how to do it, but it can still be painful." Its on ventre if you wnat to read the rest.

Really enjoyed the post!

Stiletto Sports Jen said...

Great post! loved your thoughts & style!
I'm a big march madness fan and I fill out my brackets every year with no rhyme or reasoning except "oooh i like those colors!" or "that guy on KU is HOT!"
yet somehow, I always do fairly decent! I won the pool one year and royally ticked off all my guy friends!