Friday, December 28, 2007

Fortune Cookie Rule for Resolutions

Let's play a little game. I feel playful, games are fun. Resolutions are a joke. According to the most popular New Years Resolutions are below. I thought it would be fun to use the fortune cookie rule and end them all with: " bed." Let's see if it works:

1.) Spend more time with family and bed. - Could work. Could get complicated, but by God, it will be a new and interesting year!

2.) Fit in bed. - Eh. Does that mean naked yoga or "work double time"? No one likes a rabbit. Men will argue the this one into the bed frame. I have trouble fitting in meals...

3.) Tame the bed. - Hm? That sounds counter-productive to me.

4.) Quit bed- YES. Quit smoking anywhere you stinky stinker. Smoking in bed only looks cool in black and white film where you can't see the ceiling stained yellow, or the nasty teeth on the two lovers.

5.) Enjoy life bed. - Now, when I read that, I think: Read books, light a candle, have a babysitter over so I can paint my nails with a face mask on.

6.) Quit bed.- No. I dont particularly drink in bed, but drinking gets me into bed. Does that count.?No. I will not quit drinking. I will not quit. Not cause you said. Not in a bed.

7.) Get out of bed- Okay, now its getting tricky. This means, all those people you jipped in bed, either too early, or without passion, or by pretending, you must pay back, some how. That's a big resolution. No thanks. There just isn't enough time.

8.) Learn something bed- Oh yeah.....this should be a national social requirement in order to get laid. Not unlike the test I think people should take before being allowed to reproduce. A checklist...2008..."back bend, triple-claw gyration plank." Check.

9.) Help bed- No. Let them finger it out themselves. Well, define help? No.

10.) Get bed - Are we talking Boston North-end organized, or more like Swedish container unit organized? Neither sound very appealing. My vote is stay chaotic and unpredictable.

Try it with your resolutions. Anything can happen...

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