Thursday, January 3, 2008

The man you want and the man you need.

The art of attraction is infinitely flawed. ( I think) No really. How is it that most women who fall deep into the throws of love with a man, hate him first? Think of any Jane Austen book, think of any romantic comedy. I can't figure if we are a product of our entertainment, or the opposite. I do know this: What we think we want, and what we need are too very different things. Its navigating through ourselves that can prove tedious.

I found a diary from 1996 that listed these things I wanted ( if I married):
-Have an accent
-Love his mother
-Challenge my beliefs and theories.
-Be Strong and athletic

Right. Then, I lived a little more, dated men with accents (Australian and South-African) and discovered some more things, by process of elimination.
- He must wear bigger pants than me
-Accent NOT necessary
-Low maintenence, manly man
- Make me laugh
- Be nice
-Be smart

These stuck through college. Then, I got adventurous with my needs and wants.
- Make me laugh
- Make me question EVERYTHING ( this is when it goes down hill)
- Have power ( still descending)
- Be elusive and mysterious ( deep plumet)
-Be hard to handle ( sunk)

It happens. We all think we know what we want. We have to think that, otherwise why listen to your instincts? It can be very confusing. Some of the very attributes that are so seductive, are the very ones that can erode your soul over time.

Let's just say about four out of five of my final needs/wants ended up being the exact OPPOSITE of what works for me. In my personal experience (and this is still subject to change) it takes about half a life to understand who we are, when we AREN'T trying to bed, impress, or woo someone.

THAT is the person that needs to be matched. How can you know who that is until you stop trying? You can't. Some, however are way more clued into their unmasked selves than others. (There was a good five years where I had the self-awareness of Michael Scott).

Marriage is a strange gauge on faith and your knowledge of self. Look at the stats....51% of us are wrong. The priceless piece of advise I received was in the ugliest word-wrapping of reality. It was this: "Marry the man who would scrape you off the floor in your darkest moment, and not hold it against you."

I did. He did. Choose wisely. Know yourself, and be honest. The getting is fun but fleeting. Just be. All those books and movies that show the malicious, horse of a man turning to mush and becoming prince charming aren't showing you the whole story. Look at all the things you think you want in a man. Then write down the opposite. You might just find what you need opens up the gates to all kinds of new possibilities.

You smell what I'm steppin' in.....Go figure.

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