Thursday, January 10, 2008

NO! I don't want your stale cookies and choco-bars!

5 reasons you can use to explain to the little league of boys and girls clubs asking you to buy their $5.00 chocolate bar to support their uniforms.

1.) "Well, sweetheart, while you and your mommy are standing here in the rain guilt-tripping schmucks like my husband, there are hundreds of thousands of Ugandan children who haven't even tried a "Samoa cookie" and they would be ecstatic just to eat a maggot-filled piece of bread on their six hour walk barefoot to a caged security housing unit to keep the rebels from stealing what life they have left. You go ahead and ask the next lady, OK?"

2.) Like Donald would say: " You just asked me to spend more money after I have been walking around a grocery store with my 2 yr old. I don't feel giving, If you were smart you would have camped outside a yoga studio or somewhere else where people spend frivolous amounts of money, like a boutique, or tanning salon. You picked a poor didn't have a marketing plan. As Project Leader, I can't believe this was so poorly executed on your part. No research. You failed."

3.) " Aweee. Isn't that nice of you to be pushing your artificially flavored chocolate imitation bars, with tree-nuts in it, but my children all have food and nut and milk allergies, and frankly, eating your candy could end in death. Maybe you should sell something a little more healthy like wheat-grass shots, or organic hand sanitizers? hm?"

4.) " I appreciate your efforts, but I really feel like it would be a better use of your time to protest things that matter, like decreasing our dependence on foreign oil, better health care or maybe request money to fight the African resistance army's slave trade for diamonds in Angola that your mother clearly supports by the look of her jewelery. Just a thought. Check yo self and yo mamma's bling kid"

5.) "Maybe if your post-baby booming generation of parents would stop GIVING you everything and make you see that in this world you have to EARN a dollar, you will fail and people will not always fall for the emotional pity card, you might end up surviving and possibly NOT leading our entire economy into the dumps with your Addarol addictions and lack of stamina in the work force. boo hoo. I am your first lesson....No."

See you out there!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

BAM!!! Eat that with your cookies little girls!