American Idol Beatles night...Again - 3.18.08

It's that special night....Tuesday in March. Another season of American Idol down to 11. Something about watching this show primes me for spring, and the end of cold nights where Id rather be sitting on my couch with a candle burning instead of on the patio with a cocktail. By popular demand, we are revisiting The Beatles. I thought my ex-boyfriends were old, but some of them were just in 1st grade when they disbanded. I love perspective. So here we go, the economy is on a slow ride to recession, fed cut rates again, McCartney gave Mills 48.6M in a divorce settlement, and Ryan Seacrest still sleeps with women.

Kristy Lee Cook sang "You've got to hide your love away" which she picked because the "title sounded good". Firstly, can we say LOW CUT mini-dress. I would say cleavage, but they (her boobs) are so young and perky that they aren't smooched together yet. Her singing was in the wrong key. It was monotonous and a bit like a nagging low key karaoke. Blue eyeshadow and sparklers. Simon said: "It's like musical wall paper."
Out of context (dirty) comment from her: "I can blow you out of your socks and you know it."

David Achuletta sang "The long and winding road. " I love him, but when he speaks, he sounds like one of those women on witness protection with blacked out faces and mechanically lowered whisper-octaves in interviews. That boy can sing....and lick his lips. Simon said: "That was masterclass.

side note 1: I want Paula's teeth.

Michael Johns sang "A day in the life". He hit a terrible frog-note, but nailed the rest of it. He is so hot to me, but he looks like he smells like Bologna and sun tan lotion. Like the guys in Miami. Simon said: "It was a mess." Paula blamed his poor singing on having an ear-piece in, but he didn't have an ear-piece in. Ouch.

Brooke White sang "Here comes the sun". Bright in yellow and fun curly hair. She did a twirl that looked a little like Popeye's olive oil. I think she was trying to put more energy into the song than one person flailing can. She is my favorite, but you can't jig down to this song without looking like a preschool teacher or a nudist colony dancer.

David Cook sang "Day Tripper". This guy can sing and rock. I really thought him more the type to be a production designer or Jimmy Johns sandwich maker with a little flair, but he is turning out to be legitimate. he did his Peter Frampton voice-box thing. (eh?) Simon said he looked a bit "smug" throughout.
Out of context (dirty) comment from Ryan: "Let me just grab you."

Carly Smithson sang "blackbird". One of my FAVORITE songs. I love the fake tweeting birds (on the record). She was good at singing it. She should fire her stylist for putting her in that horrendous blouse. She can blow. Way better than Miss Lee Cook, I suspect. Randy said: "Very emotive." She did get a little carried away with the plight of the blackbird.

Jason Castro sang "Michelle My belle". I hate that name. Seriously, with passion, no offense. Nothing against you if it's your name.I just do. It's not your fault. It sounds so 80's, with feathrered hair and a fupa (n. "Foo-paw" fat upper pelvic area). Okay, lets talk about how sweet he sounded. Well played. Paula said he has a "very distinct charm". He does. I want to brush his hair and rip out his eye lashes and Eskimo kiss him.

side note number 2: This show is like that second date you SHOULDN'T have taken. Its a little forced, a lot strange, and about halfway through you were hoping to get explosive diarrhea for a valid excuse to call it a night.

Syesha Mercado sang "Yesterday". Hm? I was mesmerized by her peacock earrings and her breasts. As Randy would say: "Good looking out". She did well with the song and it was very well done. Simon said it was her "best performance by far."

Chikeezee sang "I just seen a face". He did fine for the first half, then ended up possessed by Tina turner being possessed by a cowboy at rodeo night. Simon said "I actually thought it was gimmicky."

Okay, thanks America for voting for a second night of The Beatles. Allllllllllllllllll done. I should have had a one night stand and drank heavily if I was going to end up with this unfulfilled empty feeling and a headache.