Monday, March 10, 2008

Top 5 things I can do now that I am unemployed.

So I thought it would be funny to stop the stressful pity-party and poke a little fun at myself. Life is a Carousel like Carly Simon says: "the painted ponies go up and down...". I am on the damned down-pony, but its pretty and intricate and showing its gnarly teeth. On second thought, I'm on the bench. Horses from Merry-go-rounds scare me. I'm on the bench behind the painted pony that is pooping, kicking, and stuck in the "down" position. I'm good though. See. I'm good.

1.) When someone says "Don't quit your day job", I can reply with: "Done and done. What's next?"

2.) Roller-skate in a red bikini ,with pink lipstick on, and a yellow balloon in tow. (nice)

3.) Spend all day searching the Internet for the "Truest! This really works! Do this! It's awesome!" forwards to send to my mother-in-law as payback for all the years accumulation of hers.

4.) Start speaking in only work lingo for menial, or general family tasks.
To Husband: "um...sorry Hank, I am going to have to see a purchase order for that booty-call, I can't just produce those kinds of deliver ables on such a short time line, without guarantee"
To Friend: "Okay Susan, I hear what you are requesting, but that wasn't on the inventory request for today and now we are on back-order for compassion."
To Child: "Well, Lily, since you negated the commitment with your whining, I am going to have to rebid the juice box and cookie to someone who is going to honor their contracts."

5.)Wear age-inappropriate t-shirts with studs and sparkles that say things like: "Whatev. I can." or "Boy-crazy" and walk around the mall all day long.

Hm...I need to get some bigger dreams.

No comments: