Wednesday, September 17, 2008

When the world is awry, why not wave the freak flag?

Here we go...Life is interesting lately. Russia just closed their markets due to the plummet of their stocks and exchange. AIG got a bridge loan bailout of 85 billion. DJ was down 340 at 10:30am. Obama is getting nailed for raising 9Million in Hollywood, yet McCain raised 5Million days before in Miami. The US embassy was bombed in Yemen. Britney Spears is releasing another album. Skinny Jeans are still being worn by men and Tom Brady isn't playing football. Which made me think of a good list....

10 Things I shouldn't admit, because they make me look really really bad (or crazy):
1.) The demise of Wall street is absolutely exciting and fascinating to me. Also known as schadenfreude. Every tidbit of bad news from wall street makes me giddy. I am glued to CNBC. I am in love with David Faber and literally triple clap when the market goes nuts. NOT b/c I want people to lose money, or the economy to, Its much more superficial and silly than that. I am heavily invested, with tons of exposure, I just have a need for chaos and my life is boring. I also believe in the next 2 years we will be booming. It CANT hurt for people to have to buckle down, be less exotic with their spending and be more aware of greed, poor judgement and excessive materialism.

2.) I actually love corny music, and whenever I need to feel warm and cozy I put on the stale and old music of 93.9 the Light, because it reminds me of youth and safety. Yep. Julianna Hatfield, Phil Collins, Steve Winwood...C'mon, sing it with me: "believe it or not...I'm walking on airrrrr" OR! "Life in a Northern townnnnnnn, Hey oh ma ma ma...." See? You love it too.

3.) I hate to floss, and doesn't happen as often as it should. There, I said it.

4.) I truly cringe at first time parents with rose-colored glasses. Everyone has the right to be eager and bright-eyed about parenthood, but its hard as nails and I have to bite my tongue not to unveil the litany of issues, losses and cluelessness their nativitie involves. I love being a mom, that goes without saying, but it ain't all nursing bliss and floating with a cherub child and happy spouse on a cloud of puppy dogs and sweet purposefullness.

5.) I love to say crazy things like:"I am against inter-racial relationships" to people. (since I am the spawn of one, the reactions are hilarious.) I really am NOT. Obviously...look at my husband.

6.) I daydream about putting things back where I didn't find them, just to confuse people. I also like to write illegible notes to my family and title them "IMPORTANT!".

7.) I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I judge women on the shape of their eyebrow shape. I wont go into detail as not to offend, but my pet peeve-brow is uber-thin and highly curved with a round ball at the nose bridge end. Tbe pictured eyebrow is PERFECT to me.

8.) I truly find extreme pleasure in using obnoxious double entendres with a straight face in serious situations. Like: "Okay, You are giving it to me hard and fast, but let's step back and try to knock this out with a little more attention to detail."

9.) I dream of sex with all kinds of men, all the time. Mostly older men, mostly men on TV or in high end circles and some even have jowls...its nasty. I need to set some time aside to deal with that one.

10.) When my daughter was younger and would have big boogies, I found it exhilarating to pick them for her. The bigger the better. The stringier the more pride I had in clearing her passageway. It was a art, a competition. Me against the goo in her nose, and I always won...even if I worked at it way longer than some one should ever commit to nasal mucous. I even would show off the findings after retrieval. Oh yeah....I did it, and I will do it again if need be.

Judge away. Face it fellow freak flag hiders. You have a whole host of things you love too. I'm just hear to reveal myself to make you feel better about your weirdness, or to fill a nice little self-righteous void for ya. Take it. I send it with love, kindness and compassion.

Happy hump day.


dadshouse said...

I'm cracking up that you judge women based on their eyebrows. You go!

btw - I'm an older man. Did you dream about me? And if you did, can I be there next time?


Marcus said...

"...mostly men on TV or in high end circles."

Hmm...on a tv or in a circle. Messy.

You must go through a lot of Swifters and dust cloths.

CML's Aunt said...

You really should floss daily. Studies show that flossing helps stop early signs of aging! : )

T said...

Girl you are a FREAK!!

And I dig it cuz I am too!


You'd be fun to hang out with.

Lauren said...

it's like "when bad clothes happen to good people."
the worst offender in my opinion has got to be ann curry of NBC's today show.
maybe it's just me, but they look like two sperm swimming to meet one another dead smack in the center of her face.
NOT attractive.