John Mayer "In Your Atmosphere" will surface a sunken heart.

Andddd....It wouldn't be me if I didn't start the new year with one of my random inspirations to write based on some concert I watched on TV. Tonight, it was John Mayer's "Where the light is" on HDNet. I'm enjoying a glass of wine, some quiet from a long week of holidays and an even longer week of chasing a 3 year old with no babysitters and no school. Immediately, I sink into that warm water sensation of suspending in the presence of swirling feelings and equal amounts of awe. I may not love him, I may think he could be perceived as reckless or even mean-spirited with women, but his voice and finger-picking talent is undeniable. ( John's, that is.)

I watch him make those silly faces on the typical folksy Persian rug. I listen to his clean notes and raw lyrics that seem to stream around his spine finding momentum and weight as they spin towards his throat, and then they seep out, showering the audience with the blood and regret and sullen faith in the mysteries of love and growing older (only 31, really), wiser, more self-aware. If you are one of those lazy music-non-lovers that don't have the patience to here the whole song, do yourself a favor and scroll to (4:35) and listen for a minute and a half. If you hate it, send me nasti-grams...or flog yourself for having no soul.



A song that has stood out to me since I first listened is: "In Your Atmosphere". How can a thinking, heart-pumping woman not be moved by the wistfulness of it? You be the judge of the song's muse. I hear the words: "Wherever I go, whatever I do, I wonder where I am in my relationship to you...." or even the main verse: " I'm gonna steer clear, I burn up in your atmosphere. I'm gonna steer clear, I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you"

It is affecting. I don't miss anyone, I don't long for anyone, but this song strikes a carnal knowledge of the loss and fear of the ex-inhabitant of heart space. It's beyond relate-able; it is hard reality of love's carnage that sweeps you into a moment of reckoning, and then lays you down gently in pleasant recognition of its humble truth. And....yes, I over think it. I over think everything.

No worries, next post will be less heavy. Maybe I can list the reasons I want to lock Eric Dane in my basement and play doctor, or perhaps I can deconstruct the countless ways "Towelhead" ruined my dreamy ideas of Aaron Eckhart since he was basically in a soft porn with a 13-year old. Who knows. Its 2009. Anything is possible. (Except for me NOT writing about music and love)

Happy New Year, love love hold your heart out, even at the risk of it getting obliterated. Life is too long (yep, the opposite of short) to spend your time protecting the most resilient and viable donner organ you have.

Throw it at someone. See what happens.