Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Be like Edward Cullen. You will be rewarded!!!

Okay. So here's the deal. If you are pretentious, have something against teen slobber lust or can't stand vampires, go ahead and double click the little "X" on the top right hand corner. I am going to ooze and sigh and deep breathe and flush and spread my love for a book character like smooth nutela on a warm open bagel. God help me I am only on book three...(in a week). My poor family can only handle so much abandonment.

I am your (un)average middle class mother of two living in a nice neighborhood full of good looking people going to the gym, work, driving our SUV's, being civilized and "grown up" but something has made its way through the channels of play dates, and carpool lines...that thing...is "Twilight". (guffawww, go ahead) ((gasp if you must!)) I was a skeptic. Truly. I made fun of a friend of mine: in her late 30's, child psychologist, hates scary movies- for getting truly giddy over these books. Literally, she would take in deep inhales with a squeaky sound a glisten in her eyes. I must admit, since reading about Edward Cullen, I glisten in different places. (wink wink).

Short and sweet. The book IS about teens. It IS about vampires, but it has this fluidity and complexity that seems to be far more heart-unearthing than I remember being able to process as a teenager. Edward is the epitome (hence, written by a woman) of everything any woman with a heartbeat would want....

He is brooding and dark, aloof and distant, but absolutely intense when his full attention is focused on a subject. (in my dreams its me, and god help me I turn to mush in my ...that's not telling you HALF of it) He is over 100 years old in the solid and chiseled body of a 17-year old...which by the way, makes it illegal, but whose really paying attention? That is what clenches the deal. His wisdom and level-headed selflessness mixed in with teen pheromones and unabated sexual tension.(double sigh) He uses old English and has sweet smelling breath that makes his prey dizzy. I picture the smell of a man's dorm room with sweet familiarity of home-cooked bread. He is attentive and dangerous, jealous and protective but time has made him reasonable. He is tormented and ever present.

My husband would argue that a man that watches you sleep should be reported to the local police department, and a man that says: "I don't want to exist without you" is codependent, and possibly, but let's stay with the fantasy. The agony of him wanting her, in a lascivious way, in a primal way, and his restraint. (sigh). Every woman wants to be indispensable, distracting to a man to the point of frustration and then on top of it, loved to a degree unmeasurable by our emotional minds.

I say this. If Edward Cullen existed out there, I would do crazy things...unimaginable things to please, torture and envelope him. I actually picture myself metamorphosing into a feline-like Victoria Secret angel all in one fall swoop of his heavy hand and overfilled eyes. BRING IT ON. If any of you out there can replicate his demeanor, capacity for dark subtle wit, humor and permeable hotness...I. AM. YOURS.

Did I go on too long? Like a star-crossed teen? I know, I know...Ive lost my mind. But life is longer, weeks can be monotonous and if I get a guilt-free cheap thrill dreaming that my own personal Edward will appear ...OK, I will stop and get back to my book(s).


alisal4 said...

you lost me at old english!

Marcus said...

You mean he DRINKS Olde English, right?