Monday, November 19, 2007

On Being grateful

Today was one of those day that make you rethink all the things you have as priority. Deadlines at work stomp you into a folded origami. Guilt about not being at home creeps up, the long list of things that you forgot to do this weekend: grilled cheese, wipes, toothpaste are bouncing off you like an atari game-ball and you are the sliding ledge bouncing off the walls of life. I think: "What am I doing? What for? Really?"

It took nothing more than a friendly email from a neighbor that said things with exclamation points and words like "outstanding" and funny jokes. I was starting to type my own words, and they weren't as cheery. Instead, they were actually more strained and forced. It made me stop and think: "Is it really that bad?" and it wasn't, so I restructured the sentences, and the words formed and became a little sunnier, and beamed a little bit brighter. I even thanked her for the mood boost. Its a choice. I could have sent a drab email back, and sat in my boo-hoo stink, or as I did...decide to be in a good place, and stay honest with my day, my disappointments, even had a few self-jabs for the sake of token laughs. It worked. It feels good to volley.

So, today ended much differently than it started. I was motivated to send a mass email with CML featured as the newly two-year old star. I got more and more proud by the responses, and things fell into a nice and comfortable place. Again, one spin on my mood set the day in orbit, and everyone benefits. Chloe got a perky mommie who took her to the park after work, husband got some free time at home this evening, and I feel better for not succumbing to the very easy path of self-pity.

Don't get me wrong, Self-pity is completely fair game in my world, sometimes even encouraged, but there is a fine line between sinking into something useless, and non-productive, and taking the due validation for a time of struggle in whatever gradient.All in all. its easier than it seems. Maybe today was a fluke. I managed to float above the horrendous stress of work, the let down of not getting pregnant, and the hormonal flush of PMS. So...let's see if I can choose it again tomorrow.

here's hoping.

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