Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Spectrum of Ex

Let's talk about sex, ok no, lets talk about exes. Everyone has one (usually) and most likely they fall into one of these categories. Reveling or the mere mention of one of them can lead to one of these below categories of reaction:

Tummy Tingles Tango: Just thinking of this person can cause a sweet butterfly effect in your belly. Things might not have worked out. You are a little forlorn, but it was sweet and innocent and there was love involved on some level. Just reading this makes you want to send an email, but you know better...it's been years, and those dogs are rolled over and fast asleep. Warm fuzzy memories of who you were when you were loved by this person reminds you of youth and freedom and long French kisses. (Say it together....Awe)

My Best Mistake: This ex is a particular breed of WRONG for you. You can recount the circumstantial justifications of your "togetherness" with perfect clarity in hindsight. "Everyone goes through that stage"...you need someone older, your self-esteem was low, it felt dangerous and rebellious, or it was just a stepping stone, whatever that may be...if you met that person today for the first time, you would run away screaming or breakdown and laugh. We grow from our mistakes. Sometimes.

The Recycle Bin Recovery: A.k.a: "Back pocket person" - Oh don't act surprised. We all go back to the comfort of an old notch on the belt, even if only for a little pick-me-up. You just can’t let it be the same person as the previous "My Best Mistake" that could lead to uber-emotional trauma. This one can be a strategic ladder step on the hierarchy of relationship evolution, but look closely, there could be some equally good or damning reasons you can't resist the rotation.

The Lingerer: Careful not to judge, most likely we have ALL been one of these. Can't take the hint. You change your number, your email. You're polite pushaways have turned into button-pushing personal attacks, and they still send an email like no time has passed, giving you family updates and suggesting you get together for coffee or a peanut. Ugh.

The Radio Silence Black out: This is the ex that you felt so much for, loved so hard, and gave all you could to, and lost everything thinking this was your soul-mate...Could have been. Who cares. It was toxic. Maybe you keep the little nightlight on, maybe you secretly dream of some storybook ending, but you can't. If there is ZERO contact that started immediately after some spontaneous combustion moment or worse a shameful ending of egos...The frequency MUST REMAIN OFF. If you hold the hope of reconnecting like a restaurant buzzer, watching for the vibration and lights to flash with excitement, you are in for some dismal repeats of pain.

$20 Dollar in the gutter: This is an ego-validation ex. You seem to be a little light on confidence cash. So you seem him/her, poke it with an umbrella first (read: send an email). Then maybe you stick some wadded gum on the end to keep your distance in case someone sees (read: write something nostalgic or sexy) and if the wind doesn’t blow, and your conscience doesn’t get you...you are a little richer.

Play fair lovers and friends. The plateau of relationship happiness is best appreciated when considering where you have been, how you got there, and being honest with yourself.

Catch the impending "Ex-dom" in the early stages....STAY UNATTACHED!

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