American Idol top 10 birth year songs 3.25.08

People? What is happening? I think that there is a worm hole that got dug out in the universe last week, and no one told me. I am stuck in this fuzzy bad dream-like reality. Can you read this? Am I here? Phone home....ping me, pinch me, poke me with a stick. (ewww.)

Randy was sick and crabby. I think I saw him tumbling past me in the worm hole of muck and dust. Now, Paula looks like she got drop-kicked and humped by the Tasmanian devil. Is her dress supposed to look torn? Did her left eye some how get pushed closer to her nose? I love him, but what color is Simon? Is that a makeup choice, burnt orange with a tinge of...orange? I think my men from Radar Magazine should come up with "100 ramifications of self-tanner."

Ramiele Malubay was a bad karaoke song again. Jason Castro sang Sting.It was sweetly mediocre, which is disappointing. I want him to do well, and I can't help but picture his scrotum. I don't know what that is?Perhaps because he is always perched on a stool, and the camera angle is centered there somehow. I keep thinking they have dreads and blue eyes. Weird.

Syesha Mercado knocked out "I am your woman". Chikeze sang "if only for one night" and felt reminiscent of my dreamy evenings of Jazz nights at Navy Pier. He did well. I wanted a warm lake breeze and a man to slow-jazz-two-step with. Well done Chiky. (yep I said: "Chiky")

Brooke White also sang The Police. She was flat and didn't impress anyone. She seems quite uncomfortable in her own skin most times,but in an affable sweet way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not comfortable in my own vicinity most times, so no judgement here. Singing was OK.

Michael Johns sang Queen. He can sing. He might have even rocked my doubt a little. I thought it started out pretty commercialized "Rock Jams!" for me, but he actually killed it and set the teen girls on fire. Nice.

Carly Smithson sang "Total eclipse of the heart". She sang well, but I was completely distracted by her air hump. It was nasty, seriously? She got into that like a soft porn. I felt like the music was not quite up to par with her voice. Bizarre. David Archuleta sang some Aussie song, and it sounded the scene from "40 year old virgin" when Michael McDonald is on the jumbo screens.

Christy Lee Cook said she remembers singing at two. No. No she doesn't. She didn't come out of the womb smiling either. Let me take her into an OBGYN room, let's count how many people are smiling in that moment. Anywho, she sang "God bless America". Hey guys? Did anyone else picture the movie cartoons from "Team America: World Police" whisper-singing..."Ammmmerica.....F*ck Yeah."? I did.

David Cook sang "Billy Jean". It was fantastic, he made it his own. That's all quite beautiful and creative, but being that I have been cosmically traveling. I am here to tell you, he ( like all super-talented and beautiful people : Angelina Jolie, Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods,etc...) is an alien. I don't normally like to exploit baby pictures, but this is my proof. Nano. Nano.

...And just so you know, I mentally threw an open tampon box at Randy because his foul mood was oozing through the TV.

Hold me? Office starts on April 10th. (phew)