Tuesday, March 4, 2008

American Idol top 8 boys (on estrogen) 3.04.08

Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooo? Is it men you're looking for?
Look away... (deep Shawn Mullins breath) Just look away...

So let's talk about this. First of all, I am sticking with my prior guns. My predicted top boys: David Archuleta, Michael Johns, and Jason Castro.

-Michael Johns sang a Simple Minds song and gave a nod to Australia and the breakfast club, he did NOT fist pump or show a sparkling diamond stud, but it was great.

-Jason Castro kicked out a Leonard Cohen song made famous by Jeff Buckley and 9/11 videos. It is NOT his last goodbye. ( music reference totally lost on people who don't get it, so too bad)

-David Archuleta sang Phil Collins' song "Another day in Paradise". I think I went to second base to that song. But I digress(ed).

-David Hernandez sang a Celine Dion song. Painfully unmanly.

-Luke Menard aka "tone-ranger" stapled his scrotum to his leg to sing a WHAM song. No thanks. Go lay stiff and let your wife bench press you.

-Danny Noriega did the Cure. Eh. He is pretty. The boy can cat-walk, knee high step.

-David Cook unhooked the bra of a Lionel Richie song and let the boobies flop around like rock ballad. I tried to get into his relevant spin on it, but I couldnt stop thinking of a blind woman in the community college pottery class.

-Chikeze- PS...why did he drop his last name? He was ok. Girly song. Can we name him? A few surname suggestions: "Acalacka" or "Ondasleazy" or "Muffintop-Schiener-Omo-Salim"

Look, I get it. We are living in a time where sexual ambiguity is the "coolest" and being apathetic and obscure makes you mysterious and great, but c'mmmmmmmmoooooon. I feel like I live in Denmark, but with clothes, and a sense of humor, and white teeth....

Man, strip off your skinny jeans like David Hernandez and sing with your sack. No matter who sleeps in it with you. Just sing like a man...the rest is none of my business.

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