Thursday, March 6, 2008

Watcha' thinkin'? How men stall an orgasm

It has always been of great interest to me that men literally have to think about other things to avoid a premature...well, moment during sex. I find it quite hysterical actually. If anyone was ever debating how women and men are different, this is a sure-fire way to delineate. In fact, in moments of my husband's desire, when I felt fat, or too tired I could cool his lust by merely saying: "Picture your grandmother naked licking her lips." It worked.

In my (limited) ((wink wink)) experience, I have found these to be a few ways MEN avoid the rush of a climactic moment:

1.) What are my top 5 favorite cars by make and model?

2.) Passwords.

3.) The lyrics to "One Week" by Bare Naked Ladies, mostly the rap part about sushi.

4.) Should the ceiling fan be going clock-wise or counter clock wise this time of year?

5.) Should I try and use a different dry-wall tape on that wall? The cracks are getting really visiable.

Now...A married woman might think these things in order to get CLOSER:

1.) Pretend this is George Clooney, or Hugh Jackman, or that guy from the movie with no shirt on.

2.) Ewwwwe... When I finish I can eat my iced-animal cookies! And put my slippers on to watch "Old Adventures of New Christine" !

3.)I am burning calories doing this, I am getting thinner doing this.

4.)Hurry, Hurry, If we finish I don't have to do this for a few days!

5.) Last minute image of that soft porn (aka Roadhouse) scene where Patrick Swayze threw that girl on the wall, or that scene from Message in a bottle where Kevin Costner did Robin Wright Penn from behind. Oh yeah.

See. We are different. Don't pretend to be all perfectly sexually aware and in the moment, or gorilla hungry for sex with the same person a decade into it....We all think something.

Fine, you don't. Sure you don't.

No comments: