Saturday, March 15, 2008

Man-girdle!? The end is near.

I was reading the Wall Street Journal today, and saw an article about Man-girdles. I realize that we live in an ageist, youth-obsessed, beauty loving society. But when do we take to the streets and start fighting against this absurdity?

A quote from the article: "Robert Verdie, 39, says he began craving a so-called 'mirdle' or man-girdle, recently after starting to develop a 'muffin-top.'" Oooooooooooooooookay. That, just about does it. "Undergear, body shaping brief"?! Cutting off female spanks to make an "elongated tube top"?!

I am hanging onto the fact that tight fitting everything is a phase, that men will soon let go of the male camel toe, and calf-hugging pants, and get into the next craze. I actually can't believe I'm saying it, but I'd prefer the comeback of parachute pants before mirdles. Thing is, we have to stop somewhere, men AND women have to get a grip. We are getting older, fatter, and wrinklier. Our hair will turn grey, or fall out, and we will be left with our personalities and god-forbid who we really are when all that "purdy" stuff is gone.

I am okay with that. I'm not a sexiest, men have every right to want to use whatever tools and means possible to feel better about themselves, but we are getting to the point where there isn't a vain less sex anymore. Are we moving towards a day where there will be a men's makeup counter? Men's intimate apparel? I don't know, call me a hypocrite, but there is something oddly scary about that. Someone has to stay sane. We can't all get obsessive about our looks.

Just to be fair, I will come up with a top three sexy, non-fit, balding and chubby list. Here goes:

1. Bruce Willis: Bald, wrinkly, muffin-top(ish), probably saggy bum. HOT. (and funny)

2. Kevin Costner: Not so young, not so thin, not so much hair....HOT. Each one of those lines is sexy. Even his gray-hairy chest is sexy.

3. Sean Connery. All of the above, and steamy.

Please, gentlemen: For the love of logic, self-acceptance, revolt against the Boomer idea that youth is forever, and good ol' testosterone. PUT DOWN THE GIRDLES.

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