American Idol's Top 5 sing Neil Diamond.

Ahhhh...Tuesday night. It is almost the end of April, and the end of my day. The mini-me is down, I am sipping my wine, and watching American Idol. It is Neil Diamond night. Great marketing spread over the age groups. Have they already done the Bee Gees? That would be fantastic.

Neil Diamond needs to lay off the botox. I won't lay into that one. Can men just be men? Its okay. People get older, it happens. I don't expect a nearly 70-year old man to be tan, un-wrinkled and blankly left without accompanying facial reaction to emotion. Sorry. I don't. It's nuts I know. He is cute, I want to put a soft blanket over his knees and kiss his forehead.

Jason Castro sang "Forever in blue jeans" and "September Morn". He is cute and cuddly, if you like the smell of dreads, but he just doesn't seem to be the tightest guitar string on the bridge. First song was boring, second song almost made me get up and slow-dance by myself. He had something in his throat? Yep A voice box, use it.

David Cook sang "I'm alive" and "All I really need is you". Nih, on the facial hair. The first song was OK. Second song worked for me, a little too much whisper-singing at the beginning, but he pulled it out. Awe...Neil Diamond songs are so forlorn and loving. Where are the good lyrics in todays music? Most top songs don't even have correct English. "Can't breathe with no aiiiirrree, aiiirrre, aiiiirree."

Side note 1: Paula thought who sang a second song? Spaz woman.

Brook White sang "I'm a believer" and "I am, I said". I think I pulled a ligament in my neck cringing. What is the deal? She my folksy vote, and it was a little painful. I pictured Shrek dancing across the screen, and felt like a bad fair-ground performance. Damnit to bell bottoms. Second song was nice. Really nice. There she is, I knew she was in there. Again. Lyrics. Love 'em. I'm a sap. I think the trick with her is to get into the songs enough that her squeak sounds authentic. She didn't leave me lonely with that one.

David Archulete sang "Sweet Caroline" and "America". Seriously people. I cannot get past his speaking voice. It really sounds like a woman in those protective custody videos, with their faces blacked out and voices muffled. "You touching me, touching you...." The words make me happy, but not coming from his lips. Sheesh. "America" was ok. How does he make a Neil Diamond song soung like a Michael McDonald song? He better thank his stars for grannies and teen-pantie votes. He gets them.

Sidenote #2 : Simon and I share a brain. If I could just talk him into an undershirt...

Syesha Mercado sang: "Hello again" and "Thank the Lord for the night time". I'm really not a fan, but she vocally nailed her first. It truly was lovely. I might have to ponder a good post for when you DON'T want to hear that song title. (ie:After short-paying the waitress and saying she looked like a hooker, only to find out she is your ER nurse later that night, when you teeth-whitening has burnt a hole through your enamel) Syesha looks like she has been doing yoga. Ripped triceps and barefoot. Nice.

The whole experience of tonight's show was too fast. It threw too much at me.It felt like a nervous teen fumbling through the motions as fast as possible, and left me over-fondeled and under-satisfied. Maybe next time.

And the beat goes on and on....