Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Over-thinking: Admissions of a crazy person.

I have had a lot of time to myself, which has reminded me how weird I am. I think a lot, about everything. After bouncing some of my daily thoughts off of others, I realize...I am pretty alone in this weirdness. I can't quite put my finger on where my "dooms-day" mentality fully materialized. I have a few hunches, but I will save you the pity stories of my very privileged life. I'm just really strange. Here are a few examples, feel free to laugh out loud. My husband does.


1. When I switch into clothes for the evening, I consider if I would be "OK" being seen in them if the house were to catch fire, or if an intruder came in the backdoor and I had to grab my child and run out the front door...you know, I don't want to be wearing lime green tapered sweats or something crazy.


2. Anytime someone is more than 20 minutes late to meet me, my mind considers all the possible things that could have happened. Car accident, brain aneurysm, or maybe they got mugged and are now laying in a ditch somewhere unclaimed, and I don't want to call and seem pushy, so it's all somehow my fault, you know, had I called I would have put a blip in the morbid destiny plan, and they'd still be alive. ( this has never happened, its usually disregard for time, or traffic)


3. When I hear about an ex doing "Well", Instead of taking the word for face-value and considering the minimal needs to be doing good are checked boxes, my mind goes way out there. I assume "Well" means he is swaggering through the sunny streets of happy, perfect land with his pelvis forward, and hot, young, eager women are dropping at his feet. Meanwhile, his latest professional endeavour is rivaling the Google inc. profits and blue birds are singing over his shoulder.I also picture him kicking his head back with clinking wine glasses laughing hysterically at funnier, nicer, prettier women than I will ever be. Nice.


4. When my 2 year old daughter sleeps past 6:30 am, I get fearful of walking up the stairs to her room, and approaching the door in fear that she has stop breathing and is freezing cold. I was also that new mom that checked to see if she was breathing every few hours for the first couple weeks of her life. She if fine, sleeps in b/c she is growing and learned to go back to sleep even when mommy was lingering around her face and nostrils at a young age.


5. When I see a man getting angry, I can't help but go through an entire fantasy circumstantial reason he is being unruly. Maybe he found out his girlfriend has been faking orgasms for years, and then his mother called and complained about how her best friend said she was needy and that it's too much work to always pump her ego up. She later told him how similar he is to her, and that she loved knowing they were kindred spirits. Then his co-worker used the term "fake it to make it" in a completely random and unrelated conversation and he just couldn't take it anymore. Well, that's one possibility.


So, if nothing else, I hope I have helped you see your nicely un-obessive mind as a gift. I'm happy to help in anyway I can. I still love the whole idea that feelings are real and thoughts are lies..maybe it's true, maybe it's malarkey.


Think about it. No don't....

1 comment:

CML's Aunt said...

This is not that bad, I am thinking you are holding back a bit actually. I have known you a long time...you are much crazier than this! Or maybe I am just as nuts??????