Monday, May 5, 2008

Signs you made a one-night-stand mistake.

Alright. I have been all sappy and sweet for three days straight. Let's get back to it.

Signs you may have chosen the WRONG person to go home with last night:

1. He asks: "Did you like the vertical faux-hawk?...It used to be the Forrest-gump." ( referring to his man-scaping.)

2. He says: "I'm glad you didn't look at the camera much. You Tube ratings go down if it looks too pre-planned."

3. There is a pod-water bed, hammock, or futon involved.

4. She says: "My mother doesn't usually watch, she just gets nervous when I bring someone new home."

5. His idea of cuddling resembles frotterism.

6. She says: "I could lay here with you forever"....then dies. (You later find out she is 20 years older than she told you)

7. You met him coming out of the "Divorce Court" taping.

8. His work title starts with "The Honorable..."

9. You were a little put off by her stuffed animals, but the clincher was the report card on her cork board over the desk with a post-it note that says: "Good job, honey. Love Dad"

10. He says: "Here, give me a second to clear this tarp and move the shovel out of your way, so you can sit down. Do you have any false teeth?"

Oh yes, I did. I know...and you laughed. (Even if nervously. S'ok. No one saw)

1 comment:

Marcus said...

Dammit! Where was this list Saturday night when I needed it?

That's a good one. Monday morning just got a slow clap.