Tuesday, June 10, 2008

10 creative excuses why you've been unavailable:

We all find ourselves on one of the two sides of waiting to hear from someone, or not responding to a call or email. There are several rational reasons this could happen. Life is busy, people lose contact, emails get lost.....blah blah blah.

Here are 10 golden good excuses to pull out of you pocket when asked: "Where the hell have you been?" or "Why didn't you call me back?" Feel free to use them as you may:

1. "I was busy trying to keep up with the Kardashians."

2. "I was navigating through a hairy work project that was all "asses and elbows" ( this one is so strange, most people wont ask any more details...like in school when teenagers tell the male teacher they have their period, and leave class for long amounts of time)

3. "My scarf was confused for a kaffiyeh and I ended up on water board torture for a better part of the week."

4. "I was visiting a small rural country and someone said: 'Don't move. I will be right back' but they never did come."

5. "I was snack mom for the polygamist sect children in Texas."

6. "Eliot Spitzer had asked me to "Vanna White" the presentation to financiers for his new attempt to start A "Spitzer Vulture fund" in the Real Estate crisis. Once he realized it had already been done, we got stuck brainstorming other after-the-fact ideas like coming up with nuclear energy, starting a solar panel business, and unstable shoes made of flimsy rubber."

7. "I lost my blackberry, face book went down and all wi-fi in a 30-mile vicinity blacked out due to crude oil prices."

8. "I was thinking of having sex with you so much that I realized I didn't actually need you present....my day-dreams surpassed your capabilities and I didn't want to spoil the reality of our love affair in my head with your inadequacies."

9. "Oh? When I said I'm hitting the slammer, I thought you knew what I meant."

10. "With the wisdom of Carrie Bradshaw I will cite SATC... If you don't know what to say....don't write an email saying "I don't know what to say." So....I'm waiting until I know.

Go ahead, dodge bimbos and balls, but at least sound good doing it.


dadshouse said...

asses and elbows? huh!? (I guess that's the point)

The polygamist snack mom excuse is LMAO funny!

Marcus said...

How about "I kept waiting for the right time to call you...and the microwave kept blinking."