Sunday, June 22, 2008

Bret Ernst:Roller Rink days of the '80's.

Who doesn't love the skinny chub of Chicagoan Vince Vaughan? I rented his latest DVD release: Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show. I was expecting to laugh out loud constantly, and I laughed, but it was much more documentary than comedy. The poignant stories of the four comedians traveling together for 30 days to 30 cites from Hollywood to Chicago. These men all have something to offer up to the masses to induce laughter and snorts, but this movie showed their softer, more human side.

I was most entertained by Bret Ernst. Ahmed Ahmed was pretty funny. I loved Sebastian Maniscalco for his borderline OCD stories. John O'Brien pissed me off at first, but then you unravel his white-trashy snark, and see that he is a feeling, and self-aware man just trying to get the world to see him as he does-Honestly. Back to Bret. He did a shtick on Roller skating, and I almost peed myself.

He described what it was like to be poor at the roller rink. He explained that the "rich kids" would walk in with their own skates. Speed Skates ( I had white ones with pink wheels). He explained how humiliating it was to stand on line for the "shitty-brown rental skates" that sometimes didn't have shoe strings, and were frayed and gave no ankle support. I WAS DYING.

In the below, he animates how it was to be a boy that couldn't skate, and what it was like to have THAT guy who basically lived there ( and was 30) cross-skate and get all the girls. Take a look:

I COMPLETELY RELATE TO THIS. For the record Bret: If you would have been at the Dairy-Ashford roller rink in Houston between 87-90, I would have come over to the video games to coax you out to the floor. I was no snob, but I did like looking good. I was the girl who went to "Lock-ins" and rotated her speed skate wheels. I couple skated to "Open Arms" by Journey with the boys that stunk of Drakkar and Obession and sweaty moldy shirts.

I would speed skate and race to songs like M/A/R/R/S's "Pump up the Volume" and "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode. Who didn't?! My friends and I would flop our over-curled bang-explosions during "Doubles" races where one of us would squat down, and the other would push. If you were REALLY good, you would push her with one hand, and cross-skate next to her. The best was dance-skating to Soul II Soul's "Back to Life" and AHa's "Take on Me". I was a total show-off. (Are you surprised?)

I learned a lot in those to french kiss, how to be killer at skeet ball, you know..paramount adolescent lessons. I can still smell the cheese pizza, rubber floors and popcorn.

I can still hear Europa...."Da na na -da-na naan-aaa-naaaa....THE FINAL COUNT-DOWN....Da na na da-na-naan-na-naaa..."

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