Melting and movies on a swampy Saturday.

So it is 90 degrees in Chicago. Warm enough to make you get "neked" and start seeing things. If I had the right company, I'd probably test the inclination, but for now, I will keep from shocking the neighbors. There is little we have done today to avoid melting and hair product failures....

We did watch some movies. Or rather, parts of movies, which made me think a few things.

1.) I want to start naming movies with really terrible, disgusting innuendos. We just saw a legitimate trailer for Midnight Meat Train (yuck). I just picture a huge meaty you-know-what flying through tunnels with a horn that inflates and deflates the girth of it. Sorry. No more windows into my brain today. I am tired, and hot.

2.) Steal Magnolias was on TNT. I forgot how much I love that movie. I want to adopt Dolly Parton's character as my long-lost auntie. She is so motherly, but coyishly womanly that I could relate. Not to mention she has great one-liners: "I never trust a woman who does her own hair. It's just not normal" ( love that)

3.) I want to be Angelina Jolie in Wanted. Not kidding. Anyone who has known me over the past decade is well aware that I have loved her since her early years, through her crazy-blood-vile stage and even more now that she has landed her soul mate, helped the world, and growing a brood. Um...and she is the sexiest woman alive in my eyes. I assume she is smart, if she is NOT...I don't want to know. Lean, mean and laying on a Viper. I aspire to put that fear and dizziness of the unexpected in a man.

4.) Pretty Woman was on and I still remember every single line of that movie. I just have to say, that is the downfall of women's hopes right there. We all believe some Richard Gere(ish) type guy will swoop in, temporarily be impressed by us, shower us with gifts and unexpected love and then accept us for who we really are...No wonder we all seem so mildy unsatisfied!? No really. I would rather have a good degree, a compelling story and a good safe home, but my goodness is it a sexy idea. I still want to be de-robed on a piano. Here's hoping!

So...the lesson here is:

Porn producers and horror film creators share titles, female relationships and small-town southerners can always charm a smile on your face. If you are crazy now, and wearing either your boyfriends foreskin or blood-vile around your neck, there is still hope for you yet, and men like "Edward Lewis" don't exist, but hooking does. Stay real, get an education and book your own penthouse...