Sunday, October 5, 2008

Circle Dance: Bonnie, Stevie and Vanessa

I know. I know...It's been ages. I would apologize but I fear no one really cares. I am finally compelled to write again. After the hospital stay, the growing sweet parasite within me (that I will not expound on) and my non stop feeling of being on the spinning top of a smelly carny ride while gagging at the smell of everything from deodorant to wind...Yep. I have not forgoten the blogworld. I just havent felt funny, articulate or anything other than miserable.

But here I am. So predictably...moved by music. I have spent a lot of time lying down watching news, and cnbc and music. Tonight, I realized that music heals almost anything. I noticed that it is my fondness of human connection in well-written lyrics and duets. I watched Stevie Nicks and Vanessa Carlton sing a song called "Circle Dance" written by one of my favorite female guitar slinging musicians ever- Bonnie Raitt.

The music is haunting in and of itself, but the lyrics speak to anyone. "Can't go back to make things right, but I wish I understood." I love that about music. You can't show me ONE person who doesn't have someone, some haunt, that sits quietly in the folds of their heart. Perhaps they don't pine for this person, but it vaguely shimmers as a dwindled light. Things didn't work out, blame has been thrown. Maybe its a parent, or a lover, or an old friend. Love has such a binding hold on us. All of us. We grow into it, with it, in search of it.

Listen to the song, you'll see precisely what I mean. If you are unmoved, you need another drink or a new soul...just saying.

Sooner or later we look back on the ripples of the decisions we have made, and we see beauty in the erosion lines of love. The marks they left with us, good or bad that have caused us to see things better, hold our virtues and belief closer to the things that count. In a funny way, I find comfort in a song that sadly brings me back to the ache of loss, or slow dissolution of love with someone. It reminds us that everything changes. Time rolls over all the things we think are everlasting, and that is profoundly important in the evolution of forward motion.

Letting go is abstract and concrete in the same. The heart never really does....let go. There is always some small beating part of it that hopes that someone, that ONE person will recognize or realize how incredibly important or special or remarkable we were. Maybe we stopped waiting for them to have that epiphany, but the mere acknowledgement of that emotion existing binds us all.

"Time has made things clearer now, we did the best we could." It fascinates me to think of how many scenarios and sad but necessary stories that sentence poses an answer for.

Feel love. Feel moved. Feel alive in moments and allow yourself to be touched by the lingering, and the letting go. Feel.


Anonymous said...

I care (:. You write beautifully. I have been checking your blog for weeks, waiting. I am sorry however that you've been unwell; hope you feel better soon. Loved the song. And she's one of my favorite singers.

Marcus said...

About the time I was ready to wipe my hands clean in an "all-done" motion and say "Looks good...nothing more to see at THIS site"..

Lulu articulates a heartfelt sentiment that moved me to just stop and let a line or two resonate in mid-page reading, and nod knowingly. We can't always undo the past and hope to start again where the other person left off, but one can always hope for lessons learned, and a soul less elusive with the next page turned.

Or if not too much to wish, at least someone who returns an email within the hour, eh? :)