Friday, October 10, 2008

Five purely hypothetical reasons you haven't heard from Lulu.


***This is a guest post from Marcus Gumbasmall hands. A good friend and fellow blogger at handonmouth***


Where's Lulu?

I can deduce from reading Lulu Notewordy, as to what might have caused this sudden dryspell of posts. Because the process is way more "Fringe" than "CSI", I'll spare you the mechanics behind such forensic science. And I'll give you the 5 top scenarios I think may have happened...

(Actually, we all know she has more than 5 reasons. She COULD give them all to you in one fell swoop. Though she won't. But you'd like that wouldn't you?)

1. Lulu's iPod is stuck in a constant random shuffle mode of 70's Soft Rock ballads and a smooshing of 80's syrup and cheese. Think Manilow's "It's A Miracle" or Bobby Caldwell's "What You Won't Do For Love." Or worse yet, "Sentimental Street" by Night Ranger. She's caught up in a self-embrace of hugging and slow-rocking, smiling to herself. And can't reach the keyboard.

2. During one of her writing sessions from the fireplace table at Caribou Coffee, she had a chocolate-walnut brownie. (Most likely, she had two.) In a shoulder-shrugging to ears, eyes-closed and "mmmmm-mmmm-ing", choco-epiphany inducing body hover, she was smacked on the back by a passing computer bag and launched into a permanent state of disfiguring. And can't reach the keyboard.

3. Called to Congress to testify on her role in possible conspiracy to displace the ecomony and sour the mood of millions, entirely through her lack of blogging. Still tapping microphone, still asking, "Can you hear me?" . Still winking at old senators, and still snickering at the term "rising
inflation."

4. Depressed and off-put by her decision to invest everything she had into the confectionary market. (After all, candy IS an omnipresent need, isn't it?) She's re-thinking her decison to cash out after a 2/1 split, and receive dividends in the form of Mike N' Ikes.

5. Waiting until next year, as they say, to post her diatribe on the Chicago Cubs historic playoff collapse. Oh, she'll use the same post; she'll just then change the date to 2009.


At the very least, if none of these are true, I think we can all agree, she put off today what she could have done yesterday by casting all her oars into the fire, and ran up the river on a gift horse, crying over a pot of spilt milk and bathwater for no apparent reason.

I think she'll post again, so don't give up on her. Ask her questions, and she'll tell you no lies. She'll just spell them wrong.

We love you, Lulu. Come back and stay for good this time.

(pictured -right) Marcus and Lulu in occupational conflict during stupid LA corporate-bonding treasure hunt.

4 comments:

Lulu said...

What, in this crazy world, is wrong with loving candy and older men?

Marcus said...

Betcha I'm the only man on your crazy planet who grows an extra scowl line, every time you say his name.

T said...

She's so telling you to talk to the hand.

CML's Aunt said...

Marcus- Thanks for shedding some light on some of the possible reasons for Lulu's absence. I myself thought perhaps she got stuck in a yoga pose, or ran off with Bill Murray (or any one of her "Get 'em, Bed 'em lists...what ever happened to those??) or that maybe she is just trying to embrace being an economist-a and is cutting back to save on the family's energy bill. Bring back Lulu!!! We miss her.