Friday, June 27, 2008

Sex mistakes from men and women: I blew my heart out. Now blow my head off.

It's funny to contemplate the differences between men and women when it comes to SEX. It's even more interesting to look at the similarities that are debunking the mystique or misconception.

iVillage and the Today show had a great segment on The Biggest Sex Mistakes Women and Men Make. First of all. I love numerical lists. Secondly, I love that someone wrote: "...but sex is multidimensional and it’s all about having a dimmer switch that goes from romance to raunch." NICE. Thirdly, I am the anti-woman in this article. Let me explain:

Article reads: "1. Women don’t understand why men don’t like to cuddle."

Me: I know this is terrible...but unless we are in the "first time" or courting stages, I'd rather sit in a vat of acid while watching "The Moment of Truth" listening to Britney Spears music. Maybe I just haven't found the ergonomic fit for my body, maybe I don't enjoy limbs falling asleep, or a full-body twitch (all men do it post-coital) that leads to a knee in back or an awkward elbow blow to the head. I would love to be enticed otherwise some day. Just thanks. I am happy to comply with morning sex (my favorite) but my pillow barrier until then.

Article reads: "2. Women don’t understand the extent to which performance anxieties, self-esteem issues and body-image issues all affect male sex drive."

Me: Um...wrong again. Men are incredible, mystical creatures..but they have egos. Say something like: "Awe? Did you wear bike shorts all morning?" and he will be less, um inflated. The male ego may not be as fragile as mine, but it takes hits. A bad day at work, an anatomical joke about your ex...lights out.

Article reads: "3. Women think that men are always ready and willing to have sex any time, any place."

Me: Hm. All the men I have been attracted to ARE. So....

Article reads: "4. Women don’t understand how men can differentiate so easily between love and sex."

Me: Okay. I am the first to admit, I can cry after some mind-blowing. Rubbing dirties can turn into a bit of Pandora's box for me. (depending on several factors). But I get it. Maybe I am revealing too much (no?) but my historical research and some One night stand mistakes have proven that the man you are dealing with right before sex, and during, is a totally different person than the one you end up with post-sex. A lightening bolt of primal man-ness clicks on, and then off after climax.

Love is a different beast. One that appears to heighten their sex, sometimes, but doesn't always factor into it. It takes time and trust, and openness. Getting sticky doesn't have so many requirements. Usually, just some challenge, or some drinks and your anatomy are enough. Most women I have known need at least the possibility of emotional connection to lay before a man. Let's just say..I wasn't so caught up in the future of it all. Moment to moment brought me some sweet tangles.

I am deplorably less sensitive than I should be, yet I am mush and positive energy at the sound of a good song, a well spoken emotional confession of affection, or even a good smelling candle. Who knows. Who cares.

Love and sex and men and women and the whole hapless, mistake-ridden, sometimes electrically charged, synergy of beautiful bodies and hearts burning up and burning bright fascinates me.

Be good, be bad. Blow some one's head off. (or heart out).

1 comment:

dadshouse said...

You know men! That's for sure. I wish more women were like you.

As for this - Article reads: "2. Women don’t understand the extent to which performance anxieties, self-esteem issues and body-image issues all affect male sex drive."

Performance anxieties? In nearly 3 decades of bump and grind, I think I had performance anxiety once, and that was after a rock conert and way too much second hand smoke. Let's just say I was mega-relaxed... and fine in the morning.